Wow, I can't believe today was the last day of high school. Definitely so surreal. I couldn't have asked for a better way to end high school. It was truly bittersweet.
Went through Periods 1-5 as usual, and hung at in the PC room during 6th. After school, met up with Celeste, Hannah, Nicole, and Ray...we did the same, usual stuff...making fun of each other. :)
At 6:00 was the Peer Counseling Senior Farewell Party. Omigosh. I can't even begin to say how amazing it was. Thank you to all who took the time to plan it. It was really great. (After signing a whole bunch of yearbooks, I noticed that due to my lack of a wide range of vocabulary, I use the words "awesome", "great", and "amazing" a lot. However, that doesn't mean that I don't mean every bit of it when I do use those words.) Peer Counseling has seriously been a HUGE part of my high school experience. To say that it's what made high school so enjoyable is an understatement. I got the chance to meet so many incredible and beautiful people. You guys will forever be near and dear to my heart. I have learned so much from you guys whether you know it or not. Your smiles are so infectious. Your hearts full of warmth. You guys have truly left a lasting impression on my heart. I love you all.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Thursday, May 15, 2008
What Do I Know of Holy
If you're wondering, the title of this post is the title of a song by Jenny Simmons of Addison Road. For fun, I like to read Jenny Simmon's blog. There are a lot of funny and interesting things she has to say about life, people, and God. Out of all her posts, THIS is the post that really stuck to me. I've posted it again so you can read it. It's long, but it's definitely worth the time.
"3.24.2008
Story Behind the Song
First Disclaimer
The last song on the new album represents one of the most important moments of my spiritual journey so far in life. Out of the 130 songs written for this new project, if I could only pick one song to be on the album it would be this one, What Do I Know of Holy. Its significance for me is deep and personal and with the help of an incredibly talented song writer, Alli Rogers, I was able for the first time in my life to capture such a special moment with God in an actual song. So, this entry is not for the faint of heart. It is long. And I could have made it shorter and more entertaining, but I had no desire to do so. If you are so inclined to read it, I hope it will mean something to you. But if you are at the end or beginning of a long day and want to skip this one, I won't blame you!
Easter Bunny Sunday
Everyone looked beautiful yesterday at church. Pastels. Hats. New dresses. Sweater vests. Palm trees and crosses draped with flowers. The perfect sermon: God’s love, our sin, the cross, and new life. It was the perfect service. Flawless transitions, great music (ala Addison Road), good message, great, big million-dollar facility, and a lot of pretty people.We have it down don’t we?
Church Culture
I have been a Christian for as long as I can remember. I was basically born in the church and I have spent my entire life within the safety of all that is “Christian.” Christian movies, music, camps, books, Bible studies, friends, coffee houses, and even clothes. On top of that I have been indoctrinated with theology, ‘absolute’ truths, right, wrong, heaven, hell, acceptable, unacceptable, ‘Christian’ and unchristian. And on top of that I have been taught to meet God. Who he is, what He thinks, what He looks like, what He wants for me, what He wants for the world, why He sent Jesus, and how the scriptures can answer all my questions about life and God.
We, the church, seem to have an answer for everything. A system. This system defines God, defines spirituality, and defines many of our lives. It is not a bad thing, it serves a wonderful purpose as a place for community, growth, and a starting point for us to come together so that ultimately we can go out into the world and represent Jesus. But the church is not the whole of God. Neither is the Bible. Neither is anything else that is apart of our church ‘system’ or church culture.
These are but glimpses of God. Ways that we can see Him and know Him here on earth. But the truth is, at the end of the day, we believe in a God that we can never understand. That we can never grasp. That we can never absolutely define with our finite hearts and minds.
Absolutes
And that is hard for us to accept. We want to speak in absolutes. We want definitive answers. We want black, white, and no room for grey. We give answers as if we were God himself and we shirk from questions that might cause us to doubt or second-guess something that we have always believed to be true. People war over the words of scripture, its meanings and its inerrancy. And we have countless books telling us exactly what ‘true’ theology is, what to think, what to believe, and what to do with our lives. Why? Because we want Jesus and God to make sense, we don’t want any holes; we want security. Spiritual security. Thus, we have church culture, all figured out for us and completely safe, it is a clear definition of God for the masses.
And church culture is not bad. Hear me say that. I myself am a product of it. Within the walls of church, bible drill, youth group, camps, Christian concerts and sitting on the beach learning how to pray and listen for God’s voice…this is where I fell in love with God. Being in these places made me realize that He loved me and that I was made to love Him. But at the end of the day, is that all there is to God?
What do I know of Holy?
With everything so perfectly figured out in our church culture we are tempted to not ask questions. We are tempted to believe that we have God all figured out. We are tempted to replace awe and wonder with calculated beliefs and redundant practices.
We are tempted to take the Holiness out of the Holy.
But what do I know of Holy? What do we know of Holy?
My Disclaimer
I have not been to seminary. And I do not speak seminarian. I am no theologian. I am no Biblical scholar. I am no great debater, nor would I debate you.
I am just a girl who believes that at the end of the day our church culture is good but so very limited. It is such a small, small glimpse of God. At best it draws us closer to the creator of the universe, at worst, it tarnishes His holiness and befuddles God with man-made rituals, rules, and condemnations. I am a girl who believes there is more to God out there than we have ever seen or known. And I am a girl who is a bit worried that we are so good at church, theology, programs, and spirituality that we have convinced ourselves we have it all figured out. We have God figured out.
Roots
This summer I had a soul changing experience with God. A preacher by the name of Dr. Dennis Newkirk taught an 8 a.m., Friday morning, camp bible study to a bunch of tired, sunburned, beach bummed students. I was in the room. And though not sunburned, it was the 6th week of camp for me and I was tired. I was tired of leading worship, of being away from home, of "camp" food, and really just tired of church. When he walked in that morning I don't think there was a single person out of the 500 of us packed in the room that thought, this morning my heart will radically change.But I don't think one of us left as the same person.
Dr. Newkirk spent the next hour talking about what it means to behold God. Not the kind of God we have imagined for ourselves in our churches and pop Christian culture, but a more Holy, pure and powerful God who transcends all of heaven and earth and reigns with infinite glory, love, and wisdom. He led us verse by verse through Isaiah chapter 6 where Isaiah actually sees God. The heavens open up and he looks up to see the essence of God in all of His Holiness. The passage says there are angels surrounding God. Big, magnificent, majestic creatures (quite unlike the idea of my angels who were more like Tinkerbell's with halo's and pixie dust)...no, these are the most beautiful creatures to ever exist. Next to God, they are the closest beings of perfection to exist. And these glorious angels cannot even look at God. The scripture says that they cover both their eyes and feet with their wings because they cannot even bear to see God or to stand in His presence. With two wings they keep themselves a float and in a SHOUT, not a whisper, they continuously worship God by saying, "Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty. The whole earth is filled with his glory."
They see God and all they can do is worship Him. Isaiah sees God and the King James version says that all he could was fall to his knees and become undone.
Undone.
Coming Undone
In that moment, with the true God, he made no promises and he was not talked into to saying a certain prayer or even to confessing his sins. He didn't get out his checkbook and he didn't even start singing joyfully...he was so overwhelmed, he could do nothing but come completely undone. And at this point God begins to come down to earth, the temple shakes, and a smoke fills the room and God begins to speak to Isaiah. It is truly an amazing passage.
Dr. Newkirk said...what if that God walked in today. The one that the angels revere. The one that leaves you speechless. The one who is shrouded in Holiness. In power. In glory. In love. In mercy. In strength. The one who is praised and worshiped every minute of every day, who we cannot even bear to see because He is so much perfection. Is that the God you know? Is that the God you sing these trite songs to? Is that the God we worship with our precise, mundane, predictable Sunday morning services? Is that the God you make lame promises to that you know you will never keep? Have you seen the real God? Have you caught a glimpse of Him? Have you ever truly come undone simply because you have seen God's Holiness?
I realized I had not. My God had largely been man-made, much like a cute grandpa that hands out candy at church and praises me for doing good things and wants me to live my best life for Him and for the world!!! Yes. I have worshiped. I have loved Jesus. I have tried to understand God. I have lived my life in the church. I have prayed. I have walked with Jesus and heard His voice countless times. Those things were not invalidated. But in one moment I realized that my God was so very small. I had never known the God that Isaiah saw that day. I had never really dropped to my knees in awe and reverence of the creator of the universe.
You could have heard a pin drop. It was like God himself, the real God, entered the room. And Dr. Newkirk said to respond to God in that moment however we needed to respond. He followed that by saying, "Jenny will lead us in worship."
Jenny will not lead us in worship, I thought. I fell to my knees. Stunned. Broken. Overwhelmed. Acutely alive. I felt the awesome presence of the most Holy of Hollies touch my very lips. And I came undone. For the first time in my life God revealed His true Holiness to me. Not all of it, just enough of a glimpse that my heart and my soul could never be the same. I saw something bigger than I had ever even known existed. I caught a glimpse. On my knees, on my face, on that stage completely undone before something so incredibly big, I realized that this person I had learned about was more than I could ever possibly know. And I came undone. Not a word to sing. Not a word to utter. Not in a state of shame or guilt either. Just completely in awe. Completely overtaken by the waves of the most high God. I saw His face. I felt His countenance.
The room was silent. People were weeping. People were sitting there looking stunned, as if a ghost where among us. People stood up on their chairs raising their hands as high as they could. People fell flat on their faces on the ground. And this is a Southern Baptist camp here, these were not typical responses, this was not emotional, this was a dry, 8 a.m. in depth Bible study...but this was real. God was very much in that place. He showed up. He reveled His Holiness. And we, we had not the means to even take it in.
And for the first time I felt like He said to me...Jen, sweet child, you have no idea what you are dealing with. You have no idea how much power and Holiness I contain. You have no idea the scope and the breadth and the depth of me. You don't have the slightest notion. No one does.
And this was the most awe-inspiring, comforting, real, fresh, reviving, invigorating thing I had ever heard from the Lord. For a girl who has dreaded dying "too early" for a long time and has never desired to get to heaven too quickly, I wanted to be taken up in that moment and become an angel right then. And the aching desire has not left. I want to be with that God. Every morning I wake up, every breath I breathe, and the second I leave this place. I want to be with Him. I want to be His worshiper. I want to go to church for Him and Him alone. I want to be a "Christian" a Christ follower, for Him and Him alone. I want to, as Isaiah said, be sent anywhere to do anything for Him and Him alone. If that is the real God, I am His. Every ounce of me. Nothing else satisfies now. Not since I have seen the real thing.
Candy Coated Christianity
I don't want a pop-Christian-American-feel good-program driven, watered down, less than Holy God. I have no desire. I want, I need the real thing. The Holy of Hollies. The mysterious, all powerful, all loving, all majestic God. The God that, truth be told, we cannot have all the answers to, we cannot have figured out. I want a God who I can know, but can never fully understand.
So this song, What do I know of Holy, was written about that moment and the million minutes that have followed since where my heart feels like it might explode. My most sacred of experiences with God came to life in the words of this song and I hope that it brings you to your knees. I hope it reminds you, as it does me, that God is far beyond us. And this is a good thing! Because He is the Holy king who will save this world...He is the only who can.
At the end of the day....what do I know of Holy? What do we know of Holy?
Posted by jen at 8:29 PM 12 comments "
My Reaction
So, what do I know of Holy? Apparently, not much. After reading Jenny's blog, it really hit me that I had no idea of how awesome and great God is.
My mind cannot even begin to comprehend who He is.
Coming to this realization was a little bit scary. The God that we worship is a God so powerful and so Holy. He is, as Chris Tomlin sings, INDESCRIBABLE. Still, that word does not do Him any justice.
Fear.
Realizing His Holiness it to accept that God is full of power. We see people in the world who are in position of power. They call the shots. People do whatever they say. But that is nothing compared to God's power. This thought is a bit scary. If God wanted to, He could reverse my existence in less than a second. I would be nothing. And to be honest, I am nothing in comparison to God.
Comfort.
Realizing just how powerful God is, or trying to grasp how powerful He is...is scary. But that only lasts for a second. Knowing that God is Holy, that He is in control, and that He can do whatever He wants is also oddly comforting to me. How?
The greater understanding we have of God's power and His holiness, the greater we can understand His love for us. The bigger He is in our minds, the more we can realize just how AMAZING his love is.
Just the other day, I was riding in the car with my dad, and we were listening to this pastor speak on the radio. He said that most people reject God because they do not have the right idea of God. I never really thought about that, but it makes a lot of sense. If you truly believed that God was loving and wanted the best for you, there is no way that you would want to reject Him.
And how do we come to understand God's love? We come to understand his Holiness and his power first. We see what we are in comparison to Him. We realize our unworthiness and we are humbled.
Unworthiness.
Sometimes, I can be so selfish and so full of hatred and bitterness that it'll probably knock the socks right off your feet. Of course, when these thoughts enter my mind, I don't say them aloud. But they are there, nonetheless. If you could hear them, you would slap me...and honestly, I wouldn't mind because I know I deserve it.
What I don't deserve is God's love.
How can someone so Beautiful, Holy, Powerful, and Righteous love someone like me? First of all, I can't even comprehend all of God's holiness. What I know of God, like Jenny wrote, is just a glimpse of Him. If I can't truly take in all of Him, how am I supposed to give Him the praise that He deserves?
Jesus died on the cross for my sins knowing that I could never ever understand just how GREAT that act was.
Now that's LOVE.
And love is a comforting thing to know. :)
"3.24.2008
Story Behind the Song
First Disclaimer
The last song on the new album represents one of the most important moments of my spiritual journey so far in life. Out of the 130 songs written for this new project, if I could only pick one song to be on the album it would be this one, What Do I Know of Holy. Its significance for me is deep and personal and with the help of an incredibly talented song writer, Alli Rogers, I was able for the first time in my life to capture such a special moment with God in an actual song. So, this entry is not for the faint of heart. It is long. And I could have made it shorter and more entertaining, but I had no desire to do so. If you are so inclined to read it, I hope it will mean something to you. But if you are at the end or beginning of a long day and want to skip this one, I won't blame you!
Easter Bunny Sunday
Everyone looked beautiful yesterday at church. Pastels. Hats. New dresses. Sweater vests. Palm trees and crosses draped with flowers. The perfect sermon: God’s love, our sin, the cross, and new life. It was the perfect service. Flawless transitions, great music (ala Addison Road), good message, great, big million-dollar facility, and a lot of pretty people.We have it down don’t we?
Church Culture
I have been a Christian for as long as I can remember. I was basically born in the church and I have spent my entire life within the safety of all that is “Christian.” Christian movies, music, camps, books, Bible studies, friends, coffee houses, and even clothes. On top of that I have been indoctrinated with theology, ‘absolute’ truths, right, wrong, heaven, hell, acceptable, unacceptable, ‘Christian’ and unchristian. And on top of that I have been taught to meet God. Who he is, what He thinks, what He looks like, what He wants for me, what He wants for the world, why He sent Jesus, and how the scriptures can answer all my questions about life and God.
We, the church, seem to have an answer for everything. A system. This system defines God, defines spirituality, and defines many of our lives. It is not a bad thing, it serves a wonderful purpose as a place for community, growth, and a starting point for us to come together so that ultimately we can go out into the world and represent Jesus. But the church is not the whole of God. Neither is the Bible. Neither is anything else that is apart of our church ‘system’ or church culture.
These are but glimpses of God. Ways that we can see Him and know Him here on earth. But the truth is, at the end of the day, we believe in a God that we can never understand. That we can never grasp. That we can never absolutely define with our finite hearts and minds.
Absolutes
And that is hard for us to accept. We want to speak in absolutes. We want definitive answers. We want black, white, and no room for grey. We give answers as if we were God himself and we shirk from questions that might cause us to doubt or second-guess something that we have always believed to be true. People war over the words of scripture, its meanings and its inerrancy. And we have countless books telling us exactly what ‘true’ theology is, what to think, what to believe, and what to do with our lives. Why? Because we want Jesus and God to make sense, we don’t want any holes; we want security. Spiritual security. Thus, we have church culture, all figured out for us and completely safe, it is a clear definition of God for the masses.
And church culture is not bad. Hear me say that. I myself am a product of it. Within the walls of church, bible drill, youth group, camps, Christian concerts and sitting on the beach learning how to pray and listen for God’s voice…this is where I fell in love with God. Being in these places made me realize that He loved me and that I was made to love Him. But at the end of the day, is that all there is to God?
What do I know of Holy?
With everything so perfectly figured out in our church culture we are tempted to not ask questions. We are tempted to believe that we have God all figured out. We are tempted to replace awe and wonder with calculated beliefs and redundant practices.
We are tempted to take the Holiness out of the Holy.
But what do I know of Holy? What do we know of Holy?
My Disclaimer
I have not been to seminary. And I do not speak seminarian. I am no theologian. I am no Biblical scholar. I am no great debater, nor would I debate you.
I am just a girl who believes that at the end of the day our church culture is good but so very limited. It is such a small, small glimpse of God. At best it draws us closer to the creator of the universe, at worst, it tarnishes His holiness and befuddles God with man-made rituals, rules, and condemnations. I am a girl who believes there is more to God out there than we have ever seen or known. And I am a girl who is a bit worried that we are so good at church, theology, programs, and spirituality that we have convinced ourselves we have it all figured out. We have God figured out.
Roots
This summer I had a soul changing experience with God. A preacher by the name of Dr. Dennis Newkirk taught an 8 a.m., Friday morning, camp bible study to a bunch of tired, sunburned, beach bummed students. I was in the room. And though not sunburned, it was the 6th week of camp for me and I was tired. I was tired of leading worship, of being away from home, of "camp" food, and really just tired of church. When he walked in that morning I don't think there was a single person out of the 500 of us packed in the room that thought, this morning my heart will radically change.But I don't think one of us left as the same person.
Dr. Newkirk spent the next hour talking about what it means to behold God. Not the kind of God we have imagined for ourselves in our churches and pop Christian culture, but a more Holy, pure and powerful God who transcends all of heaven and earth and reigns with infinite glory, love, and wisdom. He led us verse by verse through Isaiah chapter 6 where Isaiah actually sees God. The heavens open up and he looks up to see the essence of God in all of His Holiness. The passage says there are angels surrounding God. Big, magnificent, majestic creatures (quite unlike the idea of my angels who were more like Tinkerbell's with halo's and pixie dust)...no, these are the most beautiful creatures to ever exist. Next to God, they are the closest beings of perfection to exist. And these glorious angels cannot even look at God. The scripture says that they cover both their eyes and feet with their wings because they cannot even bear to see God or to stand in His presence. With two wings they keep themselves a float and in a SHOUT, not a whisper, they continuously worship God by saying, "Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty. The whole earth is filled with his glory."
They see God and all they can do is worship Him. Isaiah sees God and the King James version says that all he could was fall to his knees and become undone.
Undone.
Coming Undone
In that moment, with the true God, he made no promises and he was not talked into to saying a certain prayer or even to confessing his sins. He didn't get out his checkbook and he didn't even start singing joyfully...he was so overwhelmed, he could do nothing but come completely undone. And at this point God begins to come down to earth, the temple shakes, and a smoke fills the room and God begins to speak to Isaiah. It is truly an amazing passage.
Dr. Newkirk said...what if that God walked in today. The one that the angels revere. The one that leaves you speechless. The one who is shrouded in Holiness. In power. In glory. In love. In mercy. In strength. The one who is praised and worshiped every minute of every day, who we cannot even bear to see because He is so much perfection. Is that the God you know? Is that the God you sing these trite songs to? Is that the God we worship with our precise, mundane, predictable Sunday morning services? Is that the God you make lame promises to that you know you will never keep? Have you seen the real God? Have you caught a glimpse of Him? Have you ever truly come undone simply because you have seen God's Holiness?
I realized I had not. My God had largely been man-made, much like a cute grandpa that hands out candy at church and praises me for doing good things and wants me to live my best life for Him and for the world!!! Yes. I have worshiped. I have loved Jesus. I have tried to understand God. I have lived my life in the church. I have prayed. I have walked with Jesus and heard His voice countless times. Those things were not invalidated. But in one moment I realized that my God was so very small. I had never known the God that Isaiah saw that day. I had never really dropped to my knees in awe and reverence of the creator of the universe.
You could have heard a pin drop. It was like God himself, the real God, entered the room. And Dr. Newkirk said to respond to God in that moment however we needed to respond. He followed that by saying, "Jenny will lead us in worship."
Jenny will not lead us in worship, I thought. I fell to my knees. Stunned. Broken. Overwhelmed. Acutely alive. I felt the awesome presence of the most Holy of Hollies touch my very lips. And I came undone. For the first time in my life God revealed His true Holiness to me. Not all of it, just enough of a glimpse that my heart and my soul could never be the same. I saw something bigger than I had ever even known existed. I caught a glimpse. On my knees, on my face, on that stage completely undone before something so incredibly big, I realized that this person I had learned about was more than I could ever possibly know. And I came undone. Not a word to sing. Not a word to utter. Not in a state of shame or guilt either. Just completely in awe. Completely overtaken by the waves of the most high God. I saw His face. I felt His countenance.
The room was silent. People were weeping. People were sitting there looking stunned, as if a ghost where among us. People stood up on their chairs raising their hands as high as they could. People fell flat on their faces on the ground. And this is a Southern Baptist camp here, these were not typical responses, this was not emotional, this was a dry, 8 a.m. in depth Bible study...but this was real. God was very much in that place. He showed up. He reveled His Holiness. And we, we had not the means to even take it in.
And for the first time I felt like He said to me...Jen, sweet child, you have no idea what you are dealing with. You have no idea how much power and Holiness I contain. You have no idea the scope and the breadth and the depth of me. You don't have the slightest notion. No one does.
And this was the most awe-inspiring, comforting, real, fresh, reviving, invigorating thing I had ever heard from the Lord. For a girl who has dreaded dying "too early" for a long time and has never desired to get to heaven too quickly, I wanted to be taken up in that moment and become an angel right then. And the aching desire has not left. I want to be with that God. Every morning I wake up, every breath I breathe, and the second I leave this place. I want to be with Him. I want to be His worshiper. I want to go to church for Him and Him alone. I want to be a "Christian" a Christ follower, for Him and Him alone. I want to, as Isaiah said, be sent anywhere to do anything for Him and Him alone. If that is the real God, I am His. Every ounce of me. Nothing else satisfies now. Not since I have seen the real thing.
Candy Coated Christianity
I don't want a pop-Christian-American-feel good-program driven, watered down, less than Holy God. I have no desire. I want, I need the real thing. The Holy of Hollies. The mysterious, all powerful, all loving, all majestic God. The God that, truth be told, we cannot have all the answers to, we cannot have figured out. I want a God who I can know, but can never fully understand.
So this song, What do I know of Holy, was written about that moment and the million minutes that have followed since where my heart feels like it might explode. My most sacred of experiences with God came to life in the words of this song and I hope that it brings you to your knees. I hope it reminds you, as it does me, that God is far beyond us. And this is a good thing! Because He is the Holy king who will save this world...He is the only who can.
At the end of the day....what do I know of Holy? What do we know of Holy?
Posted by jen at 8:29 PM 12 comments "
My Reaction
So, what do I know of Holy? Apparently, not much. After reading Jenny's blog, it really hit me that I had no idea of how awesome and great God is.
My mind cannot even begin to comprehend who He is.
Coming to this realization was a little bit scary. The God that we worship is a God so powerful and so Holy. He is, as Chris Tomlin sings, INDESCRIBABLE. Still, that word does not do Him any justice.
Fear.
Realizing His Holiness it to accept that God is full of power. We see people in the world who are in position of power. They call the shots. People do whatever they say. But that is nothing compared to God's power. This thought is a bit scary. If God wanted to, He could reverse my existence in less than a second. I would be nothing. And to be honest, I am nothing in comparison to God.
Comfort.
Realizing just how powerful God is, or trying to grasp how powerful He is...is scary. But that only lasts for a second. Knowing that God is Holy, that He is in control, and that He can do whatever He wants is also oddly comforting to me. How?
The greater understanding we have of God's power and His holiness, the greater we can understand His love for us. The bigger He is in our minds, the more we can realize just how AMAZING his love is.
Just the other day, I was riding in the car with my dad, and we were listening to this pastor speak on the radio. He said that most people reject God because they do not have the right idea of God. I never really thought about that, but it makes a lot of sense. If you truly believed that God was loving and wanted the best for you, there is no way that you would want to reject Him.
And how do we come to understand God's love? We come to understand his Holiness and his power first. We see what we are in comparison to Him. We realize our unworthiness and we are humbled.
Unworthiness.
Sometimes, I can be so selfish and so full of hatred and bitterness that it'll probably knock the socks right off your feet. Of course, when these thoughts enter my mind, I don't say them aloud. But they are there, nonetheless. If you could hear them, you would slap me...and honestly, I wouldn't mind because I know I deserve it.
What I don't deserve is God's love.
How can someone so Beautiful, Holy, Powerful, and Righteous love someone like me? First of all, I can't even comprehend all of God's holiness. What I know of God, like Jenny wrote, is just a glimpse of Him. If I can't truly take in all of Him, how am I supposed to give Him the praise that He deserves?
Jesus died on the cross for my sins knowing that I could never ever understand just how GREAT that act was.
Now that's LOVE.
And love is a comforting thing to know. :)
Kindness
"It's your kindness Lord
That leads us to repentance
Your favor Lord, is our desire
It's your beauty Lord
That makes us stand in silence
Your love
Your love
Is better than life"
Thank You, God, for being so kind.
That leads us to repentance
Your favor Lord, is our desire
It's your beauty Lord
That makes us stand in silence
Your love
Your love
Is better than life"
Thank You, God, for being so kind.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
What has gotten me through senior year...
Isaiah 26:3
"You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, whose thoughts are fixed on you."
"You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, whose thoughts are fixed on you."
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Welcome to My New Blog
New Blog
After reading Steph's Xanga, I was inspired to start a new blog. I was looking back on my old xanga, and it was really fun and interesting to see how I used to think, and how I've changed...or maybe haven't changed.
This was my last Xanga post from May 2006 (Exactly 2 years ago!)
"Monday, May 01, 2006
whoa, it's been more than a year since i last posted an entry! (hopefully, i've become wiser and more mature. maybe not. :/) a lot of things have changed, but a lot of things still feel the same. you don't really realize how much stuff has changed until you look back. change is a hard thing to keep track of. you look back upon yesterday, and you don't feel any different; you look back upon previous years, and you question how you became so different. it's funny how your yesterdays, added up, can be so different from your today. hmm, so is there a lesson in all of this? i don't know, but if you want one, i guess i can think of one. live your today the way you want yourself to be in the future, because today will be yesterday, and yesterday will end up being more time than you thought. soon, you'll be the future you, and wonder how you got that way. hopefully, you've changed for the better.
i'm currently procrastinating, and i guess this is why i'm putting up another entry. (hey, anything to get away from homework, right?) (although, if i don't want to be a procrastinator in the future, i shouldn't be procrastinating right now. heh. yes, i admit it, i'm a little hypocrite, but maybe i can change that around.)
so, i guess this xanga blog can also be a time of reflection. i feel that i've grown a lot spiritually this past year, even though the past few months, i've felt a little out of place. but i'm glad to say that the Good Lord has picked me up from out of the depths. (poetic, ain't it?) :D no, what i really mean is that...i'm just glad to be excited to learn about God again."
I should really take that advice about not procrastinating from my 16 year old self.
Aside from Steph's xanga, I was also inspired to start a new blog after reading Jenny Simmon's blog. http://www.jennysimmons.blogspot.com/ (She's the lead singer from the band, Addison Road.) It's just her normal daily blog, but through it, she chronicles what God has done for her, and the amazing things that He continues to do. I thought that was really cool, and I don't want to forget what God has done for me. So in a way, this is for myself.
The End of a Season
High school for me is coming to an end. Thinking about it makes me reflect on the last couple years of my life.
With that said, I can't talk about high school without mentioning Cross Country and Track, as they are a big part of my high school experience.
Last Saturday was my last track meet! It still hasn't hit me yet. But it will, soon enough. I am definitely going to miss running with all my teammates when I go to college. Being on the team has given me the opportunity to meet a lot of really cool people. And weird ones too. Just kidding.
Going back to talking about my last track meet...I couldn't have asked for anything more. It ended on an a high and joyous note. I FINALLY broke 6:00 for the mile! I ran a 5:58.41. (I was last in my race, but who cares? I got a PR!!) It was really cool. Coach Wiencek was really happy for me, and said that I made his day. I thought it was awesome how happy he was on my behalf. It was like he was a proud dad. On top of that, Melody and Kevin came to visit and cheer me on. That was so nice of them. They also snuck me out of the track meet to get Subway. That was even nicer of them.
Looking back on these past four years of Cross Country and Track has made me realize just how much God has blessed me and has been with me every step of the way. All glory goes to Him!
Even as I was reading the Bible the night before the race, I was reminded by God about what's most important. Friday night I was really stressed and worried about my race because I wasn't sure if I'd be able to break six minutes. I know that it sounds really stupid to be worrying about breaking six minutes. But anyone, who has run cross country or track, understands and knows the pressure there is to set a final personal record. Especially if you're personal record is currently 6:02, and you're just seconds away from breaking 6 minutes. Along with that, I was struggling with how to give God glory. Lots of things were running through my mind. (No pun intended.) Am I running my race for Him? (And what exactly does that mean - "to run for God"?) Am I giving Him my all? Will He be glorified if I break six minutes? If I am running for God, shouldn't I break 6 anyway? Or am I selfishly saying that I want to give glory to God, because I think that somehow...by saying or thinking that, it will make me break six? I don't know if that makes sense. But I was really struggling with giving God the glory He deserves.
Somehow, when I was reading my Bible, I ended up reading Psalm 147: 10-11 which says, "His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor his delight in the legs of a man; the Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love."
Reading that gave me a lot of relief. It was like God was reminding me that He doesn't care so much about my physical accomplishments (the time I run), but more about the condition of my heart. Do I put my trust in Him? Do I put my hope in His unfailing love? Giving God glory, I learned, has nothing to do with running a "great" race.
God wants my heart.
That's what He delights in.
That's the thing that gives Him glory.
And that is all that really matters.
At that moment, I knew that even if I didn't break six minutes, it would be okay. And boy, was that a load off my back. It took a while to get to that point of realization, but with God watching over me and reminding me, I did.
As it turns out, through the grace of God, I was able to break six minutes!! That is, what I like to call, "icing on the cake"! :)
After reading Steph's Xanga, I was inspired to start a new blog. I was looking back on my old xanga, and it was really fun and interesting to see how I used to think, and how I've changed...or maybe haven't changed.
This was my last Xanga post from May 2006 (Exactly 2 years ago!)
"Monday, May 01, 2006
whoa, it's been more than a year since i last posted an entry! (hopefully, i've become wiser and more mature. maybe not. :/) a lot of things have changed, but a lot of things still feel the same. you don't really realize how much stuff has changed until you look back. change is a hard thing to keep track of. you look back upon yesterday, and you don't feel any different; you look back upon previous years, and you question how you became so different. it's funny how your yesterdays, added up, can be so different from your today. hmm, so is there a lesson in all of this? i don't know, but if you want one, i guess i can think of one. live your today the way you want yourself to be in the future, because today will be yesterday, and yesterday will end up being more time than you thought. soon, you'll be the future you, and wonder how you got that way. hopefully, you've changed for the better.
i'm currently procrastinating, and i guess this is why i'm putting up another entry. (hey, anything to get away from homework, right?) (although, if i don't want to be a procrastinator in the future, i shouldn't be procrastinating right now. heh. yes, i admit it, i'm a little hypocrite, but maybe i can change that around.)
so, i guess this xanga blog can also be a time of reflection. i feel that i've grown a lot spiritually this past year, even though the past few months, i've felt a little out of place. but i'm glad to say that the Good Lord has picked me up from out of the depths. (poetic, ain't it?) :D no, what i really mean is that...i'm just glad to be excited to learn about God again."
I should really take that advice about not procrastinating from my 16 year old self.
Aside from Steph's xanga, I was also inspired to start a new blog after reading Jenny Simmon's blog. http://www.jennysimmons.blogspot.com/ (She's the lead singer from the band, Addison Road.) It's just her normal daily blog, but through it, she chronicles what God has done for her, and the amazing things that He continues to do. I thought that was really cool, and I don't want to forget what God has done for me. So in a way, this is for myself.
The End of a Season
High school for me is coming to an end. Thinking about it makes me reflect on the last couple years of my life.
With that said, I can't talk about high school without mentioning Cross Country and Track, as they are a big part of my high school experience.
Last Saturday was my last track meet! It still hasn't hit me yet. But it will, soon enough. I am definitely going to miss running with all my teammates when I go to college. Being on the team has given me the opportunity to meet a lot of really cool people. And weird ones too. Just kidding.
Going back to talking about my last track meet...I couldn't have asked for anything more. It ended on an a high and joyous note. I FINALLY broke 6:00 for the mile! I ran a 5:58.41. (I was last in my race, but who cares? I got a PR!!) It was really cool. Coach Wiencek was really happy for me, and said that I made his day. I thought it was awesome how happy he was on my behalf. It was like he was a proud dad. On top of that, Melody and Kevin came to visit and cheer me on. That was so nice of them. They also snuck me out of the track meet to get Subway. That was even nicer of them.
Looking back on these past four years of Cross Country and Track has made me realize just how much God has blessed me and has been with me every step of the way. All glory goes to Him!
Even as I was reading the Bible the night before the race, I was reminded by God about what's most important. Friday night I was really stressed and worried about my race because I wasn't sure if I'd be able to break six minutes. I know that it sounds really stupid to be worrying about breaking six minutes. But anyone, who has run cross country or track, understands and knows the pressure there is to set a final personal record. Especially if you're personal record is currently 6:02, and you're just seconds away from breaking 6 minutes. Along with that, I was struggling with how to give God glory. Lots of things were running through my mind. (No pun intended.) Am I running my race for Him? (And what exactly does that mean - "to run for God"?) Am I giving Him my all? Will He be glorified if I break six minutes? If I am running for God, shouldn't I break 6 anyway? Or am I selfishly saying that I want to give glory to God, because I think that somehow...by saying or thinking that, it will make me break six? I don't know if that makes sense. But I was really struggling with giving God the glory He deserves.
Somehow, when I was reading my Bible, I ended up reading Psalm 147: 10-11 which says, "His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor his delight in the legs of a man; the Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love."
Reading that gave me a lot of relief. It was like God was reminding me that He doesn't care so much about my physical accomplishments (the time I run), but more about the condition of my heart. Do I put my trust in Him? Do I put my hope in His unfailing love? Giving God glory, I learned, has nothing to do with running a "great" race.
God wants my heart.
That's what He delights in.
That's the thing that gives Him glory.
And that is all that really matters.
At that moment, I knew that even if I didn't break six minutes, it would be okay. And boy, was that a load off my back. It took a while to get to that point of realization, but with God watching over me and reminding me, I did.
As it turns out, through the grace of God, I was able to break six minutes!! That is, what I like to call, "icing on the cake"! :)
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