I am still incompetent and have not yet been able to figure out how to edit a post.
So here's the video that was supposed to be in the entry below. It's called Ocean Floor:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_i2xsRiXDU
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Friday, August 8, 2008
Quizno's, Inscriptions, and more!
Yesterday was my last day working at the used bookstore (behind the Shell gas station). I'm definitely going to miss working with Myrna - the cutest and sweetest old lady that I've ever met. Haha, she even brought Quizno's sandwiches so we could celebrate my last day. I won't ever forget that. :)
This might seem like a random thought, but after watching the movie, Definitely Maybe, I appreciate working in a used bookstore even more. It's really neat to see all the things that end up there. Myrna and I once looked through a bag of donated books and we found someone's yearbook from some high school in the midwest that was dated all the way back to the 1950s. Everyone's picture looked like an old-fashioned glamour shot. And you couldn't tell the nerdy kids from the popular kids because everyone looked so well groomed.
In addition to old yearbooks, there are many other interesting finds...like old vinyl records, and super-old books that used to cost a dollar or less. My favorite part, however, about working in the used bookstore (aside from being able to hang out with Myrna and listen to her talk about her dogs), is that you get to read the little inscriptions inside the books. There aren't many, so when you do find one, it's like finding gold.
Yesterday was my last day, and I guess it must've been my lucky day because I found a book that I was looking for AND it had a nice little inscription in it. The book that I bought was Prayer: Finding the Heart's True Home by Richard J. Foster. I got it for two bucks, which was a steal! (On Amazon.com, a new book is around 16 bucks, while the used ones are at least 6.) When I opened the book to the first blank, a bit yellow-ish page, it read:
"November 1996
Dear Jenny,
After much thought, this is the best resource on prayer that I can think of. I haven't read it myself yet, but I have read other works by Foster. He is a master. I hope that this is helpful for you in your pursuit of God. He loves (underlined) you so much and is forever beckoning you to Himself. I love you too!
Laura"
Reading that made my day. It's funny how one person's kindness, love, and thoughtfulness can affect someone else - even a complete stranger like me. It's small things like this that make you think differently of the world, even for a second, that maybe it is not so bad after all. Maybe there are hidden messages and inscriptions everywhere. On jagged rocks, on weeping willows, in the stars... They're invisible to the eye, but nonetheless, they are there. I'd like to think that. And I'm sure in some supernatural way, it is true.
This might seem like a random thought, but after watching the movie, Definitely Maybe, I appreciate working in a used bookstore even more. It's really neat to see all the things that end up there. Myrna and I once looked through a bag of donated books and we found someone's yearbook from some high school in the midwest that was dated all the way back to the 1950s. Everyone's picture looked like an old-fashioned glamour shot. And you couldn't tell the nerdy kids from the popular kids because everyone looked so well groomed.
In addition to old yearbooks, there are many other interesting finds...like old vinyl records, and super-old books that used to cost a dollar or less. My favorite part, however, about working in the used bookstore (aside from being able to hang out with Myrna and listen to her talk about her dogs), is that you get to read the little inscriptions inside the books. There aren't many, so when you do find one, it's like finding gold.
Yesterday was my last day, and I guess it must've been my lucky day because I found a book that I was looking for AND it had a nice little inscription in it. The book that I bought was Prayer: Finding the Heart's True Home by Richard J. Foster. I got it for two bucks, which was a steal! (On Amazon.com, a new book is around 16 bucks, while the used ones are at least 6.) When I opened the book to the first blank, a bit yellow-ish page, it read:
"November 1996
Dear Jenny,
After much thought, this is the best resource on prayer that I can think of. I haven't read it myself yet, but I have read other works by Foster. He is a master. I hope that this is helpful for you in your pursuit of God. He loves (underlined) you so much and is forever beckoning you to Himself. I love you too!
Laura"
Reading that made my day. It's funny how one person's kindness, love, and thoughtfulness can affect someone else - even a complete stranger like me. It's small things like this that make you think differently of the world, even for a second, that maybe it is not so bad after all. Maybe there are hidden messages and inscriptions everywhere. On jagged rocks, on weeping willows, in the stars... They're invisible to the eye, but nonetheless, they are there. I'd like to think that. And I'm sure in some supernatural way, it is true.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Grace (with love) In Action!
I just read Jenny Simmon's new post on her blog and I'm giddy with excitement. To read, click here: http://jennysimmons.blogspot.com/
In it, she writes about helping a family in her area. How amazingly awesome is that? By the way, this kind of grace is different from the "loveless grace" that I posted about below. Jenny's example of grace (with love) shows just what a difference people can make in the lives of others. There's no selfish reason behind it, no making a Showtime movie, no wanting to get her curiosity satisfied with a "social experiment." There's none of that. There's just genuine love and a want to help those in need.
After reading The Dangerous Act of Worship by Mark Labberton and watching Ted Rodrigue on Oprah, I've had this unexplainable desire to help those in need. I would stay up late at night, and my heart would be pounding with excitment just thinking about how awesome it would be to help someone. But that would be followed by a feeling of disappointment because I didn't know where I could find people to help. I know that sounds stupid because there are people everywhere that need help. I think we all know this by default. But how often do we actually see or hear about someone who is currently struggling?
I'm totally ready, God. I really do want to help, so use me.
That's what I've been praying for quite a while now, and God answered my prayers today. Even though sending a Walmart giftcard is quite different from meeting a person face-to-face, it's a step in the right direction. At least, that's how it feels to me. I trust that God will continue to show me how to help others in "bigger" ways. That's not to say that every small act of kindness does not count. Of course it does! :)
I whole-heartedly support and give major kudos to all those who are running organizations, like WorldVision and Mocha Club (I really like Mocha Club. It's only seven bucks a month!), to help those in need. But I think, let's call it, "Jenny's Mission," is awesome in it's own special way. Since it's not a big organization thing, there's no money that's being spent on advertisement. All the money or rather, giftcards, are spent buying things that the families need. (Jenny is the one who is going to be using those gift cards to buy the things that the family needs, just in case you were wondering if someone would con her and take the giftcard to by things that they don't really need.)
Anyway, I think what she is doing is really awesome, so I just wanted to spread the news about it. If you have a desire in your heart to help, don't hesitate. If you want to know more about what Jenny is doing, just click or copy and paste the link that I've posted above. Happy helping.
Yay, I'm so excited! And I just can't hide it!!!
In it, she writes about helping a family in her area. How amazingly awesome is that? By the way, this kind of grace is different from the "loveless grace" that I posted about below. Jenny's example of grace (with love) shows just what a difference people can make in the lives of others. There's no selfish reason behind it, no making a Showtime movie, no wanting to get her curiosity satisfied with a "social experiment." There's none of that. There's just genuine love and a want to help those in need.
After reading The Dangerous Act of Worship by Mark Labberton and watching Ted Rodrigue on Oprah, I've had this unexplainable desire to help those in need. I would stay up late at night, and my heart would be pounding with excitment just thinking about how awesome it would be to help someone. But that would be followed by a feeling of disappointment because I didn't know where I could find people to help. I know that sounds stupid because there are people everywhere that need help. I think we all know this by default. But how often do we actually see or hear about someone who is currently struggling?
I'm totally ready, God. I really do want to help, so use me.
That's what I've been praying for quite a while now, and God answered my prayers today. Even though sending a Walmart giftcard is quite different from meeting a person face-to-face, it's a step in the right direction. At least, that's how it feels to me. I trust that God will continue to show me how to help others in "bigger" ways. That's not to say that every small act of kindness does not count. Of course it does! :)
I whole-heartedly support and give major kudos to all those who are running organizations, like WorldVision and Mocha Club (I really like Mocha Club. It's only seven bucks a month!), to help those in need. But I think, let's call it, "Jenny's Mission," is awesome in it's own special way. Since it's not a big organization thing, there's no money that's being spent on advertisement. All the money or rather, giftcards, are spent buying things that the families need. (Jenny is the one who is going to be using those gift cards to buy the things that the family needs, just in case you were wondering if someone would con her and take the giftcard to by things that they don't really need.)
Anyway, I think what she is doing is really awesome, so I just wanted to spread the news about it. If you have a desire in your heart to help, don't hesitate. If you want to know more about what Jenny is doing, just click or copy and paste the link that I've posted above. Happy helping.
Yay, I'm so excited! And I just can't hide it!!!
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Yet Again...
I guess that link isn't showing up, so I'll just type it...and whoever wants to can copy and paste it into their browser. :)
http://hungryandthirsty.blogspot.com/2007/04/loveless-grace.html
http://hungryandthirsty.blogspot.com/2007/04/loveless-grace.html
Homeless Man Finds 100,000 Dollars As Part of A Social Experiment
You've probably heard about this story a long time ago. I remember watching it on Oprah and being really bothered about it. I saw the rerun of it again on tv today, and I just couldn't shake the same feeling off. This is why I'm typing this blog.
Basically, the Oprah episode is about a homeless man named Ted Rodrigue. As part of a Showtime experiment, he is given 100,000 dollars. The guy who came up with this idea was inspired to create the show as part of a "social experiment." He wanted to know whether or not, if you gave a homeless man 100,000 dollars...if it would change his life. He obviously didn't have 100,000, so he went to Showtime and that's how this whole thing got started.
At the end of the Oprah episode, the creator of the Showtime show "Reversal," which entails the homeless man's journey after finding 100,000, came to the conclusion that all this money was not enough to change a person's life. He said something along the lines of "I realized that if you give a person clothes, money, a home, and all the necessities, it's still not enough to turn their lives around." I felt like shouting at the tv, "DUHHHH!!" At one point in the show, Oprah asks the homeless man, Ted Rodrigue, whether he feels that he has failed the social experiment. Ted answers her question by saying, "Yes."
Let me just say...No, Ted...you did not fail this social experiment. The man who decided to create the Showtime show, who gave you 100,000 dollars, is the one who failed. This might sound harsh, but I truly believe if that man really was deeply committed to helping Ted, Ted would not be in the same place as he is, or as he says, "worse off" than before he even got the money. I'm not saying that this guy didn't want to help Ted. I'm sure he did. But did he want to help Ted more than he wanted to make a show? Did he invest in Ted more than he invested in the show? Did he want to help Ted more than he wanted his curiosity to be satisfied by this "social experiment?" The answer is obviously, no...or else I wouldn't be typing this. The part that makes me the angriest is that this man, along with many others watching the show, believes his heart was in the right place.
After all, they say...did the creator of the show not offer Ted a counselor to help him with managing the money? Or people to help him find a job? Did they not provide countless opportunities that Ted should've taken advantage of? Of course they provided all these things...and maybe if Ted did take advantage of them, he would probably be in a different place. But I highly doubt it. Instead of doing justice, as God says to in the Bible by helping the poor; the creator of "Reversal," I hate to say, did Ted an injustice. And that injustice is not showing him love. The kind of love that God gives us.
What Ted needs isn't really money at all. What he needs is love. I truly believe that if someone was really invested in Ted, as a person whom God created, he would be in a different place. Ted would not be the broken man that I see on the television screen. All these acts of "grace" including giving Ted money and a financial advisor mean absolutely NOTHING without love.
And I think it is really love that Ted actually wants. During the Oprah show, he said that his heart was hardened and that he feels he is broken inside. When he got the money, he made a lot of friends and he bought a lot of things for them. He even got married to a woman. However, as soon as the money was gone, they all left. Ted said that this experiment just affirmed what he believed. That people cannot be trusted. Why, creator of "Reversal," that when you saw all these negative things happening to Ted, did you not reach out to him? Would it have ruined your show? Your experiment? And now that it has been months since the show has aired on Showtime and the interview has aired on Oprah, where are you? Did you leave Ted, just like those others who called him their "friends," as soon as you were done with the show and the experiment?
I honestly hope not.
As I'm typing this blog, I'm curious to know what other people think. I wonder if I am the only one who saw this episode of Oprah and realized that something was awfully wrong.
I'm glad I'm not.
While searching for more information about Ted Rodrigue and the social experiment, I found another blog written by someone who also saw the Oprah episode. He titles his blog "Loveless Grace." And I believe he got it right on the mark. What he says in his blog, I cannot express more eloquently:
"$100,000 in a briefcase to a homeless man is truly a gift of grace; but there was only money in that case, no love. There was no personal relationship in which love could even begin to function ("You cannot love what you do not know"). That's why Ted Rodrigue's life was unaffected. God's grace, however, is founded upon and directed by His overwhelming love for us and is always given in the context of a personal relationship! It's a love that we do not EARN but are nevertheless WORTH because of who we are as His creation.
And ... not only does God give us His transformational loving grace, but then He invites us to take on His grace-giving ministry! 2 Corinthians 5:18 says that Jesus has "given us His ministry of reconciliation". It's His ministry of grace, to be given as it was received... flowing from our authentic love through personal relationships with those who are worth much more than their wages have earned them.
Christians are too comfortable with giving loveless grace. Writing checks is way easier than engaging messy people in loving, personal, gracious relationships. But God's grace, real grace, only functions in us when we pass it on; and we can only pass it on in the same way we received it.
Want to help the poor, broken, orphaned, addicted, or imprisoned? Then go find them, get as close to them as you can, love them authentically, and then give your gifts of grace! Meet messy people, build loving relationships, pray for them by name, get personal, give grace. Forgive the individuals who have torn your heart out and betrayed you. Let God's supernatural grace flow into and out of you, like a healing river, to the messiest people you can find. Freely you have received. Freely give. Let the river flow."
Amen to that, brother! :)
To read more of this wise man's blog. Click here.
Thank You, Lord for your endless grace and abounding love.
Thank You, Lord, for your endless grace and abounding love. May we reach out to those in the same way that You have reached out to us.
Basically, the Oprah episode is about a homeless man named Ted Rodrigue. As part of a Showtime experiment, he is given 100,000 dollars. The guy who came up with this idea was inspired to create the show as part of a "social experiment." He wanted to know whether or not, if you gave a homeless man 100,000 dollars...if it would change his life. He obviously didn't have 100,000, so he went to Showtime and that's how this whole thing got started.
At the end of the Oprah episode, the creator of the Showtime show "Reversal," which entails the homeless man's journey after finding 100,000, came to the conclusion that all this money was not enough to change a person's life. He said something along the lines of "I realized that if you give a person clothes, money, a home, and all the necessities, it's still not enough to turn their lives around." I felt like shouting at the tv, "DUHHHH!!" At one point in the show, Oprah asks the homeless man, Ted Rodrigue, whether he feels that he has failed the social experiment. Ted answers her question by saying, "Yes."
Let me just say...No, Ted...you did not fail this social experiment. The man who decided to create the Showtime show, who gave you 100,000 dollars, is the one who failed. This might sound harsh, but I truly believe if that man really was deeply committed to helping Ted, Ted would not be in the same place as he is, or as he says, "worse off" than before he even got the money. I'm not saying that this guy didn't want to help Ted. I'm sure he did. But did he want to help Ted more than he wanted to make a show? Did he invest in Ted more than he invested in the show? Did he want to help Ted more than he wanted his curiosity to be satisfied by this "social experiment?" The answer is obviously, no...or else I wouldn't be typing this. The part that makes me the angriest is that this man, along with many others watching the show, believes his heart was in the right place.
After all, they say...did the creator of the show not offer Ted a counselor to help him with managing the money? Or people to help him find a job? Did they not provide countless opportunities that Ted should've taken advantage of? Of course they provided all these things...and maybe if Ted did take advantage of them, he would probably be in a different place. But I highly doubt it. Instead of doing justice, as God says to in the Bible by helping the poor; the creator of "Reversal," I hate to say, did Ted an injustice. And that injustice is not showing him love. The kind of love that God gives us.
What Ted needs isn't really money at all. What he needs is love. I truly believe that if someone was really invested in Ted, as a person whom God created, he would be in a different place. Ted would not be the broken man that I see on the television screen. All these acts of "grace" including giving Ted money and a financial advisor mean absolutely NOTHING without love.
And I think it is really love that Ted actually wants. During the Oprah show, he said that his heart was hardened and that he feels he is broken inside. When he got the money, he made a lot of friends and he bought a lot of things for them. He even got married to a woman. However, as soon as the money was gone, they all left. Ted said that this experiment just affirmed what he believed. That people cannot be trusted. Why, creator of "Reversal," that when you saw all these negative things happening to Ted, did you not reach out to him? Would it have ruined your show? Your experiment? And now that it has been months since the show has aired on Showtime and the interview has aired on Oprah, where are you? Did you leave Ted, just like those others who called him their "friends," as soon as you were done with the show and the experiment?
I honestly hope not.
As I'm typing this blog, I'm curious to know what other people think. I wonder if I am the only one who saw this episode of Oprah and realized that something was awfully wrong.
I'm glad I'm not.
While searching for more information about Ted Rodrigue and the social experiment, I found another blog written by someone who also saw the Oprah episode. He titles his blog "Loveless Grace." And I believe he got it right on the mark. What he says in his blog, I cannot express more eloquently:
"$100,000 in a briefcase to a homeless man is truly a gift of grace; but there was only money in that case, no love. There was no personal relationship in which love could even begin to function ("You cannot love what you do not know"). That's why Ted Rodrigue's life was unaffected. God's grace, however, is founded upon and directed by His overwhelming love for us and is always given in the context of a personal relationship! It's a love that we do not EARN but are nevertheless WORTH because of who we are as His creation.
And ... not only does God give us His transformational loving grace, but then He invites us to take on His grace-giving ministry! 2 Corinthians 5:18 says that Jesus has "given us His ministry of reconciliation". It's His ministry of grace, to be given as it was received... flowing from our authentic love through personal relationships with those who are worth much more than their wages have earned them.
Christians are too comfortable with giving loveless grace. Writing checks is way easier than engaging messy people in loving, personal, gracious relationships. But God's grace, real grace, only functions in us when we pass it on; and we can only pass it on in the same way we received it.
Want to help the poor, broken, orphaned, addicted, or imprisoned? Then go find them, get as close to them as you can, love them authentically, and then give your gifts of grace! Meet messy people, build loving relationships, pray for them by name, get personal, give grace. Forgive the individuals who have torn your heart out and betrayed you. Let God's supernatural grace flow into and out of you, like a healing river, to the messiest people you can find. Freely you have received. Freely give. Let the river flow."
Amen to that, brother! :)
To read more of this wise man's blog. Click here.
Thank You, Lord for your endless grace and abounding love.
Thank You, Lord, for your endless grace and abounding love. May we reach out to those in the same way that You have reached out to us.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Does God have a sense of humor or what?
This Sunday's worship was rather unusual, to say the least. We had a pretty good start. Melody lead everyone in worship by talking about her experience in Spain and tying it in with what we call The LOVE Chapter (1st Corinthians 13:4-7). After she prayed, it was time to start playing! Boy, was everyone in for a surprise (including me).
The second I picked up my guitar and started strumming it, I realized that it was out of tune. People were already standing up, so they just continued to stand there and waited for me to finish tuning my guitar. It was a little embarassing, and it kind of got me flustered. I was definitely thrown off. This isn't how Sunday worship is supposed to start off. After getting my guitar tuned, I finally started playing the intro with the song and was trying my best to try and "play it cool".
Uh, yeah. That didn't work.
Right from the bat...the first couple of seconds was COMPLETELY horrible. May I repeat...it was horrible, and I was horrified. haha. But I continued to play anyway, and along came all the mistakes that could possibly happen. The song that we were singing was coincidentally (note the italics) "From the Inside Out" by Hillsong United, so you can imagine the irony when we started singing the first line...
"A thousand times I've failed..."
and then EVERYONE bursts out in laughter.
v
v
v
v
Before the worship team starts to play on Sundays, we always pray before-hand that God will be glorified and that He will show up. That His presence would fill the place. This Sunday, God showed up in the most unexpected way that anyone could ever have imagined. He reminded us that even though we try to control things, and try to plan them to go as smoothly as we can, He is still the one who has the ultimate control. He is the one who is in the position of power.
In the midst of our human imperfections (especially my guitar playing), we are reminded of God's grace. We are reminded of the tiny speck that we are in comparison to His greatness. Even then, God still chooses to love us. He decides to use us no matter how many times we've failed.
This is why we sing.
"A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains.
And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace.
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades.
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame."
The second I picked up my guitar and started strumming it, I realized that it was out of tune. People were already standing up, so they just continued to stand there and waited for me to finish tuning my guitar. It was a little embarassing, and it kind of got me flustered. I was definitely thrown off. This isn't how Sunday worship is supposed to start off. After getting my guitar tuned, I finally started playing the intro with the song and was trying my best to try and "play it cool".
Uh, yeah. That didn't work.
Right from the bat...the first couple of seconds was COMPLETELY horrible. May I repeat...it was horrible, and I was horrified. haha. But I continued to play anyway, and along came all the mistakes that could possibly happen. The song that we were singing was coincidentally (note the italics) "From the Inside Out" by Hillsong United, so you can imagine the irony when we started singing the first line...
"A thousand times I've failed..."
and then EVERYONE bursts out in laughter.
v
v
v
v
Before the worship team starts to play on Sundays, we always pray before-hand that God will be glorified and that He will show up. That His presence would fill the place. This Sunday, God showed up in the most unexpected way that anyone could ever have imagined. He reminded us that even though we try to control things, and try to plan them to go as smoothly as we can, He is still the one who has the ultimate control. He is the one who is in the position of power.
In the midst of our human imperfections (especially my guitar playing), we are reminded of God's grace. We are reminded of the tiny speck that we are in comparison to His greatness. Even then, God still chooses to love us. He decides to use us no matter how many times we've failed.
This is why we sing.
"A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains.
And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace.
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades.
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame."
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Congrats Jen!
I just came back from Jen Lin's wedding! May God bless her and her husband, Khai. I'm so excited and happy for them. God is truly great!
They had a beautiful wedding service - one that completely gave all glory to God. It is so amazing to see what God has done in each of their lives. He really is an incredible God, the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, and the Saviour of all.
I don't think Jen knows this, but she continually comes up in my prayers. I always thank God for putting her in my life. Jen's passion and love for God is infectious. She was the one that helped me to understand and realize that God really is REAL. That He's bigger than all of us. That His love for us is greater than anything our limited minds could ever grasp. Most of all, she SHOWS this love in her daily life.
God, no doubt, used her to teach me many important lessons in life. He used her to teach me the fact that God blesses us all. But He doesn't bless us so we can just keep it all to ourselves. He blesses us so that we may, in turn, bless others. Jen, herself, is a living example of this. God has blessed her, and she keeps this cycle of love going by being a blessing to others. By loving them.
God also used her to teach me "Soli Deo Gloria" - giving God all the glory.
Another lesson that I've learned from her is the importance of service. Life isn't just about us. It's about helping others.
What I admire most about Jen is that she doesn't just talk the talk, but walks the walk, too.
I'm writing this as a little "tribute" to Jen (and may the glory be given to God)...but more so, because I want to encourage all of you the way Jen has encouraged me. God is so full of love. And He is SO real. "Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us." 1 John 11-12.
Congratulations Jen! I wish you and Khai all the best in your new life together! :)
They had a beautiful wedding service - one that completely gave all glory to God. It is so amazing to see what God has done in each of their lives. He really is an incredible God, the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, and the Saviour of all.
I don't think Jen knows this, but she continually comes up in my prayers. I always thank God for putting her in my life. Jen's passion and love for God is infectious. She was the one that helped me to understand and realize that God really is REAL. That He's bigger than all of us. That His love for us is greater than anything our limited minds could ever grasp. Most of all, she SHOWS this love in her daily life.
God, no doubt, used her to teach me many important lessons in life. He used her to teach me the fact that God blesses us all. But He doesn't bless us so we can just keep it all to ourselves. He blesses us so that we may, in turn, bless others. Jen, herself, is a living example of this. God has blessed her, and she keeps this cycle of love going by being a blessing to others. By loving them.
God also used her to teach me "Soli Deo Gloria" - giving God all the glory.
Another lesson that I've learned from her is the importance of service. Life isn't just about us. It's about helping others.
What I admire most about Jen is that she doesn't just talk the talk, but walks the walk, too.
I'm writing this as a little "tribute" to Jen (and may the glory be given to God)...but more so, because I want to encourage all of you the way Jen has encouraged me. God is so full of love. And He is SO real. "Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us." 1 John 11-12.
Congratulations Jen! I wish you and Khai all the best in your new life together! :)
Monday, June 30, 2008
Driving Stinks.
It does.
I don't know what all the excitement is about. It's such a chore. And for lazy people like me, chores are very bothersome.
I feel like I'm making a big deal about nothing, so I've tried to keep the complaining to a minimum, but today, I can't help it. Am I the only one that feels this way about driving? It seriously makes me really sad to acknowledge the fact that I have to get my driver's license. With that, comes responsibility. I could do without responsibility. If you ask me, it's totally overrated.
Oh, the trials of growing up. :(
I don't know what all the excitement is about. It's such a chore. And for lazy people like me, chores are very bothersome.
I feel like I'm making a big deal about nothing, so I've tried to keep the complaining to a minimum, but today, I can't help it. Am I the only one that feels this way about driving? It seriously makes me really sad to acknowledge the fact that I have to get my driver's license. With that, comes responsibility. I could do without responsibility. If you ask me, it's totally overrated.
Oh, the trials of growing up. :(
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Desert Song by Hillsong
Even in the midst of our sufferings, God is still God. He never changes. He will always remain faithful.
That's some powerful stuff.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
The Dangerous Act of Worship
I just finished reading a book called The Dangerous Act of Worship by Mark Labberton.
Wow, where do I even begin? For someone who has a hard time being articulate, it's even harder for me to put into words all that this book encompasses. Labberton really does a fine job when it comes to explaining worship and justice, and calling Christians to action.
"Safe" Worship
Worship is dangerous, according to Labberton. And after reading his book, I definitely agree. If you're like me, and like most people on this earth, you treasure your material possessions. We, as humans, feel the need for control over many things. We like to hold on to what we have. We don't really like change. We need to feel secure. Because of this, many of us have fallen into the temptation of "safe" worship, which isn't really what God wants. Safe worship is turned toward us, not God. In safe worship, we have control of everything. We feel secure and complacent. This complacency becomes a major problem, as we fail to look towards our neighbors and make an effort to help them and to do justice.
Reading about this made me sad because I think a lot of us, including myself, get caught up in "safe" worship. We get caught up in everything BUT God.
Another term for "safe" worship is false worship. False worship. That sounds scary. False worship offends God, and I think a lot of us do that without even realizing it. We make worship about ourselves. We only do what we want to do. We listen to sermons and nod our heads, but we don't take action.
God must be frustrated.
Dangerous Worship
Dangerous worship - true worship - realigns everything and puts our focus back on God. True worship throws everything we have control over into disorder. The funny thing is, this "disorder" is actually true order. To engage in dangerous worship is to let go of control, and give it to God, who is the ultimate power. When we allow ourselves to worship in spirit and in truth, our lives are to be transformed. When our lives are transformed, the world is transformed. Our lives are to be an outpouring of love and justice to the rest of the world.
Imagination
Dangerous worship stretches our imagination. It allows us to see a glimpse into God's imagination, and His plans for this world. When we confine ourselves to
"safe" worship, our imagination is limited. It's limited to what we can do for ourselves. Maybe, if we're lucky, it's limited to what we can do for the people in our neighborhood. However, when we realize that we live in God's heart, and that everyone is our "neighbor", we start to see what God wants us to do for the world. This includes people living next door, people in Africa with AIDS, people in Mexico, people affected by the China earthquake - or not. It includes every single person. We are called to do justice. To love mercy. To walk humbly with our God. (Micah 6:8).
After reading this book, I realized that I haven't been doing enough. (Actually, I probably knew that before I even read this book. Reading this book just made my inaction something that couldn't be ignored.) Even in my prayers, I sometimes get too tired and "forget" to pray for those who are affected by the China earthquake, the children in Africa who are night commuters, and endless more.
I really want to do more. I want to help the poor and the oppressed so badly. God has given me so much, but it's not because I deserve it. The only reason why any of us have a lot, if we do, is because God wants us to share our wealth with others. God blesses us so that we may bless others. He doesn't bless us so we can just receive all His blessings, sit and watch the news, and do nothing.
Writing all this down right now is easy for me. It's nighttime. It's quiet. There isn't really anything to distract me. However, in the bustle of the day...with all the distractions and millions of things that we "need" to do, it's a lot harder to keep this fire to help others burning. Everything is coming at me in different directions that it's so easy to let this fire become a tiny flame. It won't be long until the flame gets snuffed out.
In the light of the day, it's easy to forget where we live...where our true residence is. But we don't live in this world. We live in God's heart - a heart that is so big that it can fit every single person in the world. With that said, we are residents of God's heart...and citizens of this "country". That's our true identity. Our wordly occupation might be being a student, a nurse, or a lawyer. But our real occupation is to love others and to do justice. We must not forget that.
To truly worship God is to lay down our lives as we think they should be, and allow God to transform us. God doesn't just do a little tweaking here and there. If we allow Him, He'll really transform us in the greatest way possible. But are we really willing to do so? Are we willing to give up our comforts and our security? Are we ready to stop being complacent? And ready to actually start worshipping, loving, and making sure to do justice with all the risks that are involved?
Wow, where do I even begin? For someone who has a hard time being articulate, it's even harder for me to put into words all that this book encompasses. Labberton really does a fine job when it comes to explaining worship and justice, and calling Christians to action.
"Safe" Worship
Worship is dangerous, according to Labberton. And after reading his book, I definitely agree. If you're like me, and like most people on this earth, you treasure your material possessions. We, as humans, feel the need for control over many things. We like to hold on to what we have. We don't really like change. We need to feel secure. Because of this, many of us have fallen into the temptation of "safe" worship, which isn't really what God wants. Safe worship is turned toward us, not God. In safe worship, we have control of everything. We feel secure and complacent. This complacency becomes a major problem, as we fail to look towards our neighbors and make an effort to help them and to do justice.
Reading about this made me sad because I think a lot of us, including myself, get caught up in "safe" worship. We get caught up in everything BUT God.
Another term for "safe" worship is false worship. False worship. That sounds scary. False worship offends God, and I think a lot of us do that without even realizing it. We make worship about ourselves. We only do what we want to do. We listen to sermons and nod our heads, but we don't take action.
God must be frustrated.
Dangerous Worship
Dangerous worship - true worship - realigns everything and puts our focus back on God. True worship throws everything we have control over into disorder. The funny thing is, this "disorder" is actually true order. To engage in dangerous worship is to let go of control, and give it to God, who is the ultimate power. When we allow ourselves to worship in spirit and in truth, our lives are to be transformed. When our lives are transformed, the world is transformed. Our lives are to be an outpouring of love and justice to the rest of the world.
Imagination
Dangerous worship stretches our imagination. It allows us to see a glimpse into God's imagination, and His plans for this world. When we confine ourselves to
"safe" worship, our imagination is limited. It's limited to what we can do for ourselves. Maybe, if we're lucky, it's limited to what we can do for the people in our neighborhood. However, when we realize that we live in God's heart, and that everyone is our "neighbor", we start to see what God wants us to do for the world. This includes people living next door, people in Africa with AIDS, people in Mexico, people affected by the China earthquake - or not. It includes every single person. We are called to do justice. To love mercy. To walk humbly with our God. (Micah 6:8).
After reading this book, I realized that I haven't been doing enough. (Actually, I probably knew that before I even read this book. Reading this book just made my inaction something that couldn't be ignored.) Even in my prayers, I sometimes get too tired and "forget" to pray for those who are affected by the China earthquake, the children in Africa who are night commuters, and endless more.
I really want to do more. I want to help the poor and the oppressed so badly. God has given me so much, but it's not because I deserve it. The only reason why any of us have a lot, if we do, is because God wants us to share our wealth with others. God blesses us so that we may bless others. He doesn't bless us so we can just receive all His blessings, sit and watch the news, and do nothing.
Writing all this down right now is easy for me. It's nighttime. It's quiet. There isn't really anything to distract me. However, in the bustle of the day...with all the distractions and millions of things that we "need" to do, it's a lot harder to keep this fire to help others burning. Everything is coming at me in different directions that it's so easy to let this fire become a tiny flame. It won't be long until the flame gets snuffed out.
In the light of the day, it's easy to forget where we live...where our true residence is. But we don't live in this world. We live in God's heart - a heart that is so big that it can fit every single person in the world. With that said, we are residents of God's heart...and citizens of this "country". That's our true identity. Our wordly occupation might be being a student, a nurse, or a lawyer. But our real occupation is to love others and to do justice. We must not forget that.
To truly worship God is to lay down our lives as we think they should be, and allow God to transform us. God doesn't just do a little tweaking here and there. If we allow Him, He'll really transform us in the greatest way possible. But are we really willing to do so? Are we willing to give up our comforts and our security? Are we ready to stop being complacent? And ready to actually start worshipping, loving, and making sure to do justice with all the risks that are involved?
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
The Sound of Silence
In my previous post, I forgot to mention Brooke Fraser's cover of The Sound of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel. (I think it's because I'm still trying to let it settle in.) When I heard it at the concert, I thought it was really beautiful. I was surprised to find that her cover of the song was on the deluxe edition of Albertine, which I had bought right before the concert. That made me really happy.
Listening to Brooke singing The Sound of Silence really stuck to me. After the concert, I couldn't help but listen to song over and over again. In fact, I am STILL listening to it...two whole days after the concert...there's just something about it.
It is haunting.
Brooke Fraser's voice and the lyrics combine to make a really beautiful song.
But the more I listened to the words, the more I found them...a little bit disturbing. I don't mean disturbing in the psychotic way. But disturbing in the way of how close to the truth it is. How real it is.
"Hello, darkness my old friend,
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence.
In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone,
'Neath the halo of a street lamp,
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence.
And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking,
People hearing without listening,
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one dares
Disturb the sound of silence.
"Fools," said I, "You do not know
Silence like a cancer grows.
Hear my words that I might teach you,
Take my arms that I might reach you."
But my words like silent raindrops fell,
And echoed
In the wells of silence
And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made.
And the sign flashed out its warning,
In the words that it was forming.
And the sign said, "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls."
And whispered in the sounds of silence."
The whole song is pretty disturbing. However, the part that got to me the most was the part that I've bolded above.
Are we a people who talk without speaking? Do we hear without listening? Are we a people who are numb?
I know this song isn't a "Christian" song, but it really made me think about the world and about God. I don't know if it's in Brooke Fraser's voice, or in the lyrics to the song, or both...but listening to it was like hearing God's breaking heart. I think God's heart really breaks for us. I mean, there are so many people who are numb, who go through life just being "silent". They want more, but they don't even dare admit it to themselves. And the sad thing is that God loves each and every one of us so much. These "silent" people are not what He created us to be. He created us to be alive in Him...alive in His love.
Listening to this song made me really sad. I wasn't going to admit this, but lying in bed last night, and listening to it...I couldn't help but cry. It was just one of those moments where you could feel God's heart breaking for his people. It's kind of overwhelming, too, to realize how much God loves us in order for His heart to break for us.
Knowing this just makes me feel SO alive. To be able to feel this sadness, and the joy that comes from knowing God's love...is just unbelievable. There's nothing that I can write that can quite explain it. But I pray that whoever is reading this, that you may be able to experience it too. God is real. And His love for you is real.
(If you have itunes and would like to hear this song, I'd be glad to send it to you. Just IM me or send me an email. It really is a great song.)
Listening to Brooke singing The Sound of Silence really stuck to me. After the concert, I couldn't help but listen to song over and over again. In fact, I am STILL listening to it...two whole days after the concert...there's just something about it.
It is haunting.
Brooke Fraser's voice and the lyrics combine to make a really beautiful song.
But the more I listened to the words, the more I found them...a little bit disturbing. I don't mean disturbing in the psychotic way. But disturbing in the way of how close to the truth it is. How real it is.
"Hello, darkness my old friend,
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence.
In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone,
'Neath the halo of a street lamp,
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence.
And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking,
People hearing without listening,
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one dares
Disturb the sound of silence.
"Fools," said I, "You do not know
Silence like a cancer grows.
Hear my words that I might teach you,
Take my arms that I might reach you."
But my words like silent raindrops fell,
And echoed
In the wells of silence
And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made.
And the sign flashed out its warning,
In the words that it was forming.
And the sign said, "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls."
And whispered in the sounds of silence."
The whole song is pretty disturbing. However, the part that got to me the most was the part that I've bolded above.
Are we a people who talk without speaking? Do we hear without listening? Are we a people who are numb?
I know this song isn't a "Christian" song, but it really made me think about the world and about God. I don't know if it's in Brooke Fraser's voice, or in the lyrics to the song, or both...but listening to it was like hearing God's breaking heart. I think God's heart really breaks for us. I mean, there are so many people who are numb, who go through life just being "silent". They want more, but they don't even dare admit it to themselves. And the sad thing is that God loves each and every one of us so much. These "silent" people are not what He created us to be. He created us to be alive in Him...alive in His love.
Listening to this song made me really sad. I wasn't going to admit this, but lying in bed last night, and listening to it...I couldn't help but cry. It was just one of those moments where you could feel God's heart breaking for his people. It's kind of overwhelming, too, to realize how much God loves us in order for His heart to break for us.
Knowing this just makes me feel SO alive. To be able to feel this sadness, and the joy that comes from knowing God's love...is just unbelievable. There's nothing that I can write that can quite explain it. But I pray that whoever is reading this, that you may be able to experience it too. God is real. And His love for you is real.
(If you have itunes and would like to hear this song, I'd be glad to send it to you. Just IM me or send me an email. It really is a great song.)
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
"You are the one that I want"
It is 1:08 a.m. according to the friendly little figures that are make-up the clock at the bottom left corner of my computer. I just came back from seeing Brooke Fraser at the Troubadour. I went with the lovely Ariel as an end-of-the-school-year thing. Plus, it was going to be one of the last times that I would actually get to hang out with her. So, in short...Brooke Fraser + Ariel = a really great day/night. :)
Brooke Fraser seriously has one of the prettiest voices I have ever heard in my entire life. Her CDs don't do her justice. Her voice really shines when she sings live, especially on the soft, slow songs. (At the end of the show, people kept calling her back on stage to play at least one more song. In her generosity, she sang two.)
The first song that she sang after she came back onstage was Arithmetic. It was her first big hit in New Zealand. I don't think that needs any explanation. Anyway, I've heard the song before and liked it... It sounds like any ordinary love song, BUT...it's not. Arithmetic is a love song to God, and when you see her performing it, you can see why. While she was singing this song, the whole audience was mesmerized. I guess, you could say that we were mesmerized the whole time she was singing, but even more so during this song. On the way back home from the show, I was trying to put a finger on what was so "unusual" about Miss Fraser's concert. The first thing that I thought about was her singing Arithmetic. That was it. Seeing her play and sing that song was seeing a girl in love with God. When she was playing that song, it was as if the whole crowd had disappeared, and it was only her and God. Nothing else mattered. It was a moment in time. Locked in for eternity.
Okay, so that description does sound a bit dramatic. But that's how it felt like to me.
The last song that Brooke sang and left us with was Albertine. I'm just going to steal what's written on Brooke's little booklet from the CD, because I don't think that I can explain the song better than her.
"In 1994, the tiney Central-East African nation of Rwanda was devastated by genocide. Almost one million Rwandans were killed at the hands of their neighbours, friends and community leaders within the short space of 100 days...the catastrophic outcome of decades of tension and fighting between two ethnic groups - the Hutus and the Tutsis - a catastrophic conflict that did not exist before belgian colonists moved in during the first part of the 20th century and introduced and alien political divide.
My first visit to Rwanda occured in June 2005, eleven years on from the atrocities. I visited local authorities, churches, schools, official memorials and living ones: child-headed housholds and communities living with AIDS, facing life without adequate medical care or basics like clean water. I met a people who are humble, joyous, diligent and in deep pain.
On ethe day before I was to fly out and onto Tanzania, my friend and guide joel Nsengiyumva took me to a villate school in a district called Kabug. He wanted me to see that Rwanda had hope - and no better way to see it than in the next generation. The kids and I exchanged songs and dances, and as things wrapped up and we were about to leave, Joel asked if we could take a few minutes and meet with an orphan whose personal history he was familiar with.
Throughout my trip Joel had introduced me to people as a musician from the other side of the world who was going to go back to my people, tell them about the people of Rwanda and help. No pressure. That afternoon we walked across the schoolyard into an empty classroom, joined by a tall, beautiful girl wearing the school's cobalt and navy garb, where Joel's introduction was about to become a kind of commision.
Just before he shared her story with me, that one of person laying down their life for another, he uttered these words:
'You must go back to your people and you must write a song, and I will tell you what the name of the song is going to be.'
He motioned toward the girl.
'This is Albertine.'
Albertine is alive today because of the selfless, sacrificial love of another. Funny thing is, so am I. And now I want to know what it's like to love other people like that, so have decided to spend my whole life on the experiment.
Feel free to join me. We might just change the world.
--Brooke."
A beautiful voice. But most of all, a beautiful heart. Today, at the concert, I was humbled and in awe of what God could through just one person. Here, standing in front of me was Brooke - a living testimony of God's plans...His heart. His love. And His hope for all people.
Brooke Fraser seriously has one of the prettiest voices I have ever heard in my entire life. Her CDs don't do her justice. Her voice really shines when she sings live, especially on the soft, slow songs. (At the end of the show, people kept calling her back on stage to play at least one more song. In her generosity, she sang two.)
The first song that she sang after she came back onstage was Arithmetic. It was her first big hit in New Zealand. I don't think that needs any explanation. Anyway, I've heard the song before and liked it... It sounds like any ordinary love song, BUT...it's not. Arithmetic is a love song to God, and when you see her performing it, you can see why. While she was singing this song, the whole audience was mesmerized. I guess, you could say that we were mesmerized the whole time she was singing, but even more so during this song. On the way back home from the show, I was trying to put a finger on what was so "unusual" about Miss Fraser's concert. The first thing that I thought about was her singing Arithmetic. That was it. Seeing her play and sing that song was seeing a girl in love with God. When she was playing that song, it was as if the whole crowd had disappeared, and it was only her and God. Nothing else mattered. It was a moment in time. Locked in for eternity.
Okay, so that description does sound a bit dramatic. But that's how it felt like to me.
The last song that Brooke sang and left us with was Albertine. I'm just going to steal what's written on Brooke's little booklet from the CD, because I don't think that I can explain the song better than her.
"In 1994, the tiney Central-East African nation of Rwanda was devastated by genocide. Almost one million Rwandans were killed at the hands of their neighbours, friends and community leaders within the short space of 100 days...the catastrophic outcome of decades of tension and fighting between two ethnic groups - the Hutus and the Tutsis - a catastrophic conflict that did not exist before belgian colonists moved in during the first part of the 20th century and introduced and alien political divide.
My first visit to Rwanda occured in June 2005, eleven years on from the atrocities. I visited local authorities, churches, schools, official memorials and living ones: child-headed housholds and communities living with AIDS, facing life without adequate medical care or basics like clean water. I met a people who are humble, joyous, diligent and in deep pain.
On ethe day before I was to fly out and onto Tanzania, my friend and guide joel Nsengiyumva took me to a villate school in a district called Kabug. He wanted me to see that Rwanda had hope - and no better way to see it than in the next generation. The kids and I exchanged songs and dances, and as things wrapped up and we were about to leave, Joel asked if we could take a few minutes and meet with an orphan whose personal history he was familiar with.
Throughout my trip Joel had introduced me to people as a musician from the other side of the world who was going to go back to my people, tell them about the people of Rwanda and help. No pressure. That afternoon we walked across the schoolyard into an empty classroom, joined by a tall, beautiful girl wearing the school's cobalt and navy garb, where Joel's introduction was about to become a kind of commision.
Just before he shared her story with me, that one of person laying down their life for another, he uttered these words:
'You must go back to your people and you must write a song, and I will tell you what the name of the song is going to be.'
He motioned toward the girl.
'This is Albertine.'
Albertine is alive today because of the selfless, sacrificial love of another. Funny thing is, so am I. And now I want to know what it's like to love other people like that, so have decided to spend my whole life on the experiment.
Feel free to join me. We might just change the world.
--Brooke."
A beautiful voice. But most of all, a beautiful heart. Today, at the concert, I was humbled and in awe of what God could through just one person. Here, standing in front of me was Brooke - a living testimony of God's plans...His heart. His love. And His hope for all people.
Friday, May 30, 2008
What To Say...?
Wow, I can't believe today was the last day of high school. Definitely so surreal. I couldn't have asked for a better way to end high school. It was truly bittersweet.
Went through Periods 1-5 as usual, and hung at in the PC room during 6th. After school, met up with Celeste, Hannah, Nicole, and Ray...we did the same, usual stuff...making fun of each other. :)
At 6:00 was the Peer Counseling Senior Farewell Party. Omigosh. I can't even begin to say how amazing it was. Thank you to all who took the time to plan it. It was really great. (After signing a whole bunch of yearbooks, I noticed that due to my lack of a wide range of vocabulary, I use the words "awesome", "great", and "amazing" a lot. However, that doesn't mean that I don't mean every bit of it when I do use those words.) Peer Counseling has seriously been a HUGE part of my high school experience. To say that it's what made high school so enjoyable is an understatement. I got the chance to meet so many incredible and beautiful people. You guys will forever be near and dear to my heart. I have learned so much from you guys whether you know it or not. Your smiles are so infectious. Your hearts full of warmth. You guys have truly left a lasting impression on my heart. I love you all.
Went through Periods 1-5 as usual, and hung at in the PC room during 6th. After school, met up with Celeste, Hannah, Nicole, and Ray...we did the same, usual stuff...making fun of each other. :)
At 6:00 was the Peer Counseling Senior Farewell Party. Omigosh. I can't even begin to say how amazing it was. Thank you to all who took the time to plan it. It was really great. (After signing a whole bunch of yearbooks, I noticed that due to my lack of a wide range of vocabulary, I use the words "awesome", "great", and "amazing" a lot. However, that doesn't mean that I don't mean every bit of it when I do use those words.) Peer Counseling has seriously been a HUGE part of my high school experience. To say that it's what made high school so enjoyable is an understatement. I got the chance to meet so many incredible and beautiful people. You guys will forever be near and dear to my heart. I have learned so much from you guys whether you know it or not. Your smiles are so infectious. Your hearts full of warmth. You guys have truly left a lasting impression on my heart. I love you all.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
What Do I Know of Holy
If you're wondering, the title of this post is the title of a song by Jenny Simmons of Addison Road. For fun, I like to read Jenny Simmon's blog. There are a lot of funny and interesting things she has to say about life, people, and God. Out of all her posts, THIS is the post that really stuck to me. I've posted it again so you can read it. It's long, but it's definitely worth the time.
"3.24.2008
Story Behind the Song
First Disclaimer
The last song on the new album represents one of the most important moments of my spiritual journey so far in life. Out of the 130 songs written for this new project, if I could only pick one song to be on the album it would be this one, What Do I Know of Holy. Its significance for me is deep and personal and with the help of an incredibly talented song writer, Alli Rogers, I was able for the first time in my life to capture such a special moment with God in an actual song. So, this entry is not for the faint of heart. It is long. And I could have made it shorter and more entertaining, but I had no desire to do so. If you are so inclined to read it, I hope it will mean something to you. But if you are at the end or beginning of a long day and want to skip this one, I won't blame you!
Easter Bunny Sunday
Everyone looked beautiful yesterday at church. Pastels. Hats. New dresses. Sweater vests. Palm trees and crosses draped with flowers. The perfect sermon: God’s love, our sin, the cross, and new life. It was the perfect service. Flawless transitions, great music (ala Addison Road), good message, great, big million-dollar facility, and a lot of pretty people.We have it down don’t we?
Church Culture
I have been a Christian for as long as I can remember. I was basically born in the church and I have spent my entire life within the safety of all that is “Christian.” Christian movies, music, camps, books, Bible studies, friends, coffee houses, and even clothes. On top of that I have been indoctrinated with theology, ‘absolute’ truths, right, wrong, heaven, hell, acceptable, unacceptable, ‘Christian’ and unchristian. And on top of that I have been taught to meet God. Who he is, what He thinks, what He looks like, what He wants for me, what He wants for the world, why He sent Jesus, and how the scriptures can answer all my questions about life and God.
We, the church, seem to have an answer for everything. A system. This system defines God, defines spirituality, and defines many of our lives. It is not a bad thing, it serves a wonderful purpose as a place for community, growth, and a starting point for us to come together so that ultimately we can go out into the world and represent Jesus. But the church is not the whole of God. Neither is the Bible. Neither is anything else that is apart of our church ‘system’ or church culture.
These are but glimpses of God. Ways that we can see Him and know Him here on earth. But the truth is, at the end of the day, we believe in a God that we can never understand. That we can never grasp. That we can never absolutely define with our finite hearts and minds.
Absolutes
And that is hard for us to accept. We want to speak in absolutes. We want definitive answers. We want black, white, and no room for grey. We give answers as if we were God himself and we shirk from questions that might cause us to doubt or second-guess something that we have always believed to be true. People war over the words of scripture, its meanings and its inerrancy. And we have countless books telling us exactly what ‘true’ theology is, what to think, what to believe, and what to do with our lives. Why? Because we want Jesus and God to make sense, we don’t want any holes; we want security. Spiritual security. Thus, we have church culture, all figured out for us and completely safe, it is a clear definition of God for the masses.
And church culture is not bad. Hear me say that. I myself am a product of it. Within the walls of church, bible drill, youth group, camps, Christian concerts and sitting on the beach learning how to pray and listen for God’s voice…this is where I fell in love with God. Being in these places made me realize that He loved me and that I was made to love Him. But at the end of the day, is that all there is to God?
What do I know of Holy?
With everything so perfectly figured out in our church culture we are tempted to not ask questions. We are tempted to believe that we have God all figured out. We are tempted to replace awe and wonder with calculated beliefs and redundant practices.
We are tempted to take the Holiness out of the Holy.
But what do I know of Holy? What do we know of Holy?
My Disclaimer
I have not been to seminary. And I do not speak seminarian. I am no theologian. I am no Biblical scholar. I am no great debater, nor would I debate you.
I am just a girl who believes that at the end of the day our church culture is good but so very limited. It is such a small, small glimpse of God. At best it draws us closer to the creator of the universe, at worst, it tarnishes His holiness and befuddles God with man-made rituals, rules, and condemnations. I am a girl who believes there is more to God out there than we have ever seen or known. And I am a girl who is a bit worried that we are so good at church, theology, programs, and spirituality that we have convinced ourselves we have it all figured out. We have God figured out.
Roots
This summer I had a soul changing experience with God. A preacher by the name of Dr. Dennis Newkirk taught an 8 a.m., Friday morning, camp bible study to a bunch of tired, sunburned, beach bummed students. I was in the room. And though not sunburned, it was the 6th week of camp for me and I was tired. I was tired of leading worship, of being away from home, of "camp" food, and really just tired of church. When he walked in that morning I don't think there was a single person out of the 500 of us packed in the room that thought, this morning my heart will radically change.But I don't think one of us left as the same person.
Dr. Newkirk spent the next hour talking about what it means to behold God. Not the kind of God we have imagined for ourselves in our churches and pop Christian culture, but a more Holy, pure and powerful God who transcends all of heaven and earth and reigns with infinite glory, love, and wisdom. He led us verse by verse through Isaiah chapter 6 where Isaiah actually sees God. The heavens open up and he looks up to see the essence of God in all of His Holiness. The passage says there are angels surrounding God. Big, magnificent, majestic creatures (quite unlike the idea of my angels who were more like Tinkerbell's with halo's and pixie dust)...no, these are the most beautiful creatures to ever exist. Next to God, they are the closest beings of perfection to exist. And these glorious angels cannot even look at God. The scripture says that they cover both their eyes and feet with their wings because they cannot even bear to see God or to stand in His presence. With two wings they keep themselves a float and in a SHOUT, not a whisper, they continuously worship God by saying, "Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty. The whole earth is filled with his glory."
They see God and all they can do is worship Him. Isaiah sees God and the King James version says that all he could was fall to his knees and become undone.
Undone.
Coming Undone
In that moment, with the true God, he made no promises and he was not talked into to saying a certain prayer or even to confessing his sins. He didn't get out his checkbook and he didn't even start singing joyfully...he was so overwhelmed, he could do nothing but come completely undone. And at this point God begins to come down to earth, the temple shakes, and a smoke fills the room and God begins to speak to Isaiah. It is truly an amazing passage.
Dr. Newkirk said...what if that God walked in today. The one that the angels revere. The one that leaves you speechless. The one who is shrouded in Holiness. In power. In glory. In love. In mercy. In strength. The one who is praised and worshiped every minute of every day, who we cannot even bear to see because He is so much perfection. Is that the God you know? Is that the God you sing these trite songs to? Is that the God we worship with our precise, mundane, predictable Sunday morning services? Is that the God you make lame promises to that you know you will never keep? Have you seen the real God? Have you caught a glimpse of Him? Have you ever truly come undone simply because you have seen God's Holiness?
I realized I had not. My God had largely been man-made, much like a cute grandpa that hands out candy at church and praises me for doing good things and wants me to live my best life for Him and for the world!!! Yes. I have worshiped. I have loved Jesus. I have tried to understand God. I have lived my life in the church. I have prayed. I have walked with Jesus and heard His voice countless times. Those things were not invalidated. But in one moment I realized that my God was so very small. I had never known the God that Isaiah saw that day. I had never really dropped to my knees in awe and reverence of the creator of the universe.
You could have heard a pin drop. It was like God himself, the real God, entered the room. And Dr. Newkirk said to respond to God in that moment however we needed to respond. He followed that by saying, "Jenny will lead us in worship."
Jenny will not lead us in worship, I thought. I fell to my knees. Stunned. Broken. Overwhelmed. Acutely alive. I felt the awesome presence of the most Holy of Hollies touch my very lips. And I came undone. For the first time in my life God revealed His true Holiness to me. Not all of it, just enough of a glimpse that my heart and my soul could never be the same. I saw something bigger than I had ever even known existed. I caught a glimpse. On my knees, on my face, on that stage completely undone before something so incredibly big, I realized that this person I had learned about was more than I could ever possibly know. And I came undone. Not a word to sing. Not a word to utter. Not in a state of shame or guilt either. Just completely in awe. Completely overtaken by the waves of the most high God. I saw His face. I felt His countenance.
The room was silent. People were weeping. People were sitting there looking stunned, as if a ghost where among us. People stood up on their chairs raising their hands as high as they could. People fell flat on their faces on the ground. And this is a Southern Baptist camp here, these were not typical responses, this was not emotional, this was a dry, 8 a.m. in depth Bible study...but this was real. God was very much in that place. He showed up. He reveled His Holiness. And we, we had not the means to even take it in.
And for the first time I felt like He said to me...Jen, sweet child, you have no idea what you are dealing with. You have no idea how much power and Holiness I contain. You have no idea the scope and the breadth and the depth of me. You don't have the slightest notion. No one does.
And this was the most awe-inspiring, comforting, real, fresh, reviving, invigorating thing I had ever heard from the Lord. For a girl who has dreaded dying "too early" for a long time and has never desired to get to heaven too quickly, I wanted to be taken up in that moment and become an angel right then. And the aching desire has not left. I want to be with that God. Every morning I wake up, every breath I breathe, and the second I leave this place. I want to be with Him. I want to be His worshiper. I want to go to church for Him and Him alone. I want to be a "Christian" a Christ follower, for Him and Him alone. I want to, as Isaiah said, be sent anywhere to do anything for Him and Him alone. If that is the real God, I am His. Every ounce of me. Nothing else satisfies now. Not since I have seen the real thing.
Candy Coated Christianity
I don't want a pop-Christian-American-feel good-program driven, watered down, less than Holy God. I have no desire. I want, I need the real thing. The Holy of Hollies. The mysterious, all powerful, all loving, all majestic God. The God that, truth be told, we cannot have all the answers to, we cannot have figured out. I want a God who I can know, but can never fully understand.
So this song, What do I know of Holy, was written about that moment and the million minutes that have followed since where my heart feels like it might explode. My most sacred of experiences with God came to life in the words of this song and I hope that it brings you to your knees. I hope it reminds you, as it does me, that God is far beyond us. And this is a good thing! Because He is the Holy king who will save this world...He is the only who can.
At the end of the day....what do I know of Holy? What do we know of Holy?
Posted by jen at 8:29 PM 12 comments "
My Reaction
So, what do I know of Holy? Apparently, not much. After reading Jenny's blog, it really hit me that I had no idea of how awesome and great God is.
My mind cannot even begin to comprehend who He is.
Coming to this realization was a little bit scary. The God that we worship is a God so powerful and so Holy. He is, as Chris Tomlin sings, INDESCRIBABLE. Still, that word does not do Him any justice.
Fear.
Realizing His Holiness it to accept that God is full of power. We see people in the world who are in position of power. They call the shots. People do whatever they say. But that is nothing compared to God's power. This thought is a bit scary. If God wanted to, He could reverse my existence in less than a second. I would be nothing. And to be honest, I am nothing in comparison to God.
Comfort.
Realizing just how powerful God is, or trying to grasp how powerful He is...is scary. But that only lasts for a second. Knowing that God is Holy, that He is in control, and that He can do whatever He wants is also oddly comforting to me. How?
The greater understanding we have of God's power and His holiness, the greater we can understand His love for us. The bigger He is in our minds, the more we can realize just how AMAZING his love is.
Just the other day, I was riding in the car with my dad, and we were listening to this pastor speak on the radio. He said that most people reject God because they do not have the right idea of God. I never really thought about that, but it makes a lot of sense. If you truly believed that God was loving and wanted the best for you, there is no way that you would want to reject Him.
And how do we come to understand God's love? We come to understand his Holiness and his power first. We see what we are in comparison to Him. We realize our unworthiness and we are humbled.
Unworthiness.
Sometimes, I can be so selfish and so full of hatred and bitterness that it'll probably knock the socks right off your feet. Of course, when these thoughts enter my mind, I don't say them aloud. But they are there, nonetheless. If you could hear them, you would slap me...and honestly, I wouldn't mind because I know I deserve it.
What I don't deserve is God's love.
How can someone so Beautiful, Holy, Powerful, and Righteous love someone like me? First of all, I can't even comprehend all of God's holiness. What I know of God, like Jenny wrote, is just a glimpse of Him. If I can't truly take in all of Him, how am I supposed to give Him the praise that He deserves?
Jesus died on the cross for my sins knowing that I could never ever understand just how GREAT that act was.
Now that's LOVE.
And love is a comforting thing to know. :)
"3.24.2008
Story Behind the Song
First Disclaimer
The last song on the new album represents one of the most important moments of my spiritual journey so far in life. Out of the 130 songs written for this new project, if I could only pick one song to be on the album it would be this one, What Do I Know of Holy. Its significance for me is deep and personal and with the help of an incredibly talented song writer, Alli Rogers, I was able for the first time in my life to capture such a special moment with God in an actual song. So, this entry is not for the faint of heart. It is long. And I could have made it shorter and more entertaining, but I had no desire to do so. If you are so inclined to read it, I hope it will mean something to you. But if you are at the end or beginning of a long day and want to skip this one, I won't blame you!
Easter Bunny Sunday
Everyone looked beautiful yesterday at church. Pastels. Hats. New dresses. Sweater vests. Palm trees and crosses draped with flowers. The perfect sermon: God’s love, our sin, the cross, and new life. It was the perfect service. Flawless transitions, great music (ala Addison Road), good message, great, big million-dollar facility, and a lot of pretty people.We have it down don’t we?
Church Culture
I have been a Christian for as long as I can remember. I was basically born in the church and I have spent my entire life within the safety of all that is “Christian.” Christian movies, music, camps, books, Bible studies, friends, coffee houses, and even clothes. On top of that I have been indoctrinated with theology, ‘absolute’ truths, right, wrong, heaven, hell, acceptable, unacceptable, ‘Christian’ and unchristian. And on top of that I have been taught to meet God. Who he is, what He thinks, what He looks like, what He wants for me, what He wants for the world, why He sent Jesus, and how the scriptures can answer all my questions about life and God.
We, the church, seem to have an answer for everything. A system. This system defines God, defines spirituality, and defines many of our lives. It is not a bad thing, it serves a wonderful purpose as a place for community, growth, and a starting point for us to come together so that ultimately we can go out into the world and represent Jesus. But the church is not the whole of God. Neither is the Bible. Neither is anything else that is apart of our church ‘system’ or church culture.
These are but glimpses of God. Ways that we can see Him and know Him here on earth. But the truth is, at the end of the day, we believe in a God that we can never understand. That we can never grasp. That we can never absolutely define with our finite hearts and minds.
Absolutes
And that is hard for us to accept. We want to speak in absolutes. We want definitive answers. We want black, white, and no room for grey. We give answers as if we were God himself and we shirk from questions that might cause us to doubt or second-guess something that we have always believed to be true. People war over the words of scripture, its meanings and its inerrancy. And we have countless books telling us exactly what ‘true’ theology is, what to think, what to believe, and what to do with our lives. Why? Because we want Jesus and God to make sense, we don’t want any holes; we want security. Spiritual security. Thus, we have church culture, all figured out for us and completely safe, it is a clear definition of God for the masses.
And church culture is not bad. Hear me say that. I myself am a product of it. Within the walls of church, bible drill, youth group, camps, Christian concerts and sitting on the beach learning how to pray and listen for God’s voice…this is where I fell in love with God. Being in these places made me realize that He loved me and that I was made to love Him. But at the end of the day, is that all there is to God?
What do I know of Holy?
With everything so perfectly figured out in our church culture we are tempted to not ask questions. We are tempted to believe that we have God all figured out. We are tempted to replace awe and wonder with calculated beliefs and redundant practices.
We are tempted to take the Holiness out of the Holy.
But what do I know of Holy? What do we know of Holy?
My Disclaimer
I have not been to seminary. And I do not speak seminarian. I am no theologian. I am no Biblical scholar. I am no great debater, nor would I debate you.
I am just a girl who believes that at the end of the day our church culture is good but so very limited. It is such a small, small glimpse of God. At best it draws us closer to the creator of the universe, at worst, it tarnishes His holiness and befuddles God with man-made rituals, rules, and condemnations. I am a girl who believes there is more to God out there than we have ever seen or known. And I am a girl who is a bit worried that we are so good at church, theology, programs, and spirituality that we have convinced ourselves we have it all figured out. We have God figured out.
Roots
This summer I had a soul changing experience with God. A preacher by the name of Dr. Dennis Newkirk taught an 8 a.m., Friday morning, camp bible study to a bunch of tired, sunburned, beach bummed students. I was in the room. And though not sunburned, it was the 6th week of camp for me and I was tired. I was tired of leading worship, of being away from home, of "camp" food, and really just tired of church. When he walked in that morning I don't think there was a single person out of the 500 of us packed in the room that thought, this morning my heart will radically change.But I don't think one of us left as the same person.
Dr. Newkirk spent the next hour talking about what it means to behold God. Not the kind of God we have imagined for ourselves in our churches and pop Christian culture, but a more Holy, pure and powerful God who transcends all of heaven and earth and reigns with infinite glory, love, and wisdom. He led us verse by verse through Isaiah chapter 6 where Isaiah actually sees God. The heavens open up and he looks up to see the essence of God in all of His Holiness. The passage says there are angels surrounding God. Big, magnificent, majestic creatures (quite unlike the idea of my angels who were more like Tinkerbell's with halo's and pixie dust)...no, these are the most beautiful creatures to ever exist. Next to God, they are the closest beings of perfection to exist. And these glorious angels cannot even look at God. The scripture says that they cover both their eyes and feet with their wings because they cannot even bear to see God or to stand in His presence. With two wings they keep themselves a float and in a SHOUT, not a whisper, they continuously worship God by saying, "Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty. The whole earth is filled with his glory."
They see God and all they can do is worship Him. Isaiah sees God and the King James version says that all he could was fall to his knees and become undone.
Undone.
Coming Undone
In that moment, with the true God, he made no promises and he was not talked into to saying a certain prayer or even to confessing his sins. He didn't get out his checkbook and he didn't even start singing joyfully...he was so overwhelmed, he could do nothing but come completely undone. And at this point God begins to come down to earth, the temple shakes, and a smoke fills the room and God begins to speak to Isaiah. It is truly an amazing passage.
Dr. Newkirk said...what if that God walked in today. The one that the angels revere. The one that leaves you speechless. The one who is shrouded in Holiness. In power. In glory. In love. In mercy. In strength. The one who is praised and worshiped every minute of every day, who we cannot even bear to see because He is so much perfection. Is that the God you know? Is that the God you sing these trite songs to? Is that the God we worship with our precise, mundane, predictable Sunday morning services? Is that the God you make lame promises to that you know you will never keep? Have you seen the real God? Have you caught a glimpse of Him? Have you ever truly come undone simply because you have seen God's Holiness?
I realized I had not. My God had largely been man-made, much like a cute grandpa that hands out candy at church and praises me for doing good things and wants me to live my best life for Him and for the world!!! Yes. I have worshiped. I have loved Jesus. I have tried to understand God. I have lived my life in the church. I have prayed. I have walked with Jesus and heard His voice countless times. Those things were not invalidated. But in one moment I realized that my God was so very small. I had never known the God that Isaiah saw that day. I had never really dropped to my knees in awe and reverence of the creator of the universe.
You could have heard a pin drop. It was like God himself, the real God, entered the room. And Dr. Newkirk said to respond to God in that moment however we needed to respond. He followed that by saying, "Jenny will lead us in worship."
Jenny will not lead us in worship, I thought. I fell to my knees. Stunned. Broken. Overwhelmed. Acutely alive. I felt the awesome presence of the most Holy of Hollies touch my very lips. And I came undone. For the first time in my life God revealed His true Holiness to me. Not all of it, just enough of a glimpse that my heart and my soul could never be the same. I saw something bigger than I had ever even known existed. I caught a glimpse. On my knees, on my face, on that stage completely undone before something so incredibly big, I realized that this person I had learned about was more than I could ever possibly know. And I came undone. Not a word to sing. Not a word to utter. Not in a state of shame or guilt either. Just completely in awe. Completely overtaken by the waves of the most high God. I saw His face. I felt His countenance.
The room was silent. People were weeping. People were sitting there looking stunned, as if a ghost where among us. People stood up on their chairs raising their hands as high as they could. People fell flat on their faces on the ground. And this is a Southern Baptist camp here, these were not typical responses, this was not emotional, this was a dry, 8 a.m. in depth Bible study...but this was real. God was very much in that place. He showed up. He reveled His Holiness. And we, we had not the means to even take it in.
And for the first time I felt like He said to me...Jen, sweet child, you have no idea what you are dealing with. You have no idea how much power and Holiness I contain. You have no idea the scope and the breadth and the depth of me. You don't have the slightest notion. No one does.
And this was the most awe-inspiring, comforting, real, fresh, reviving, invigorating thing I had ever heard from the Lord. For a girl who has dreaded dying "too early" for a long time and has never desired to get to heaven too quickly, I wanted to be taken up in that moment and become an angel right then. And the aching desire has not left. I want to be with that God. Every morning I wake up, every breath I breathe, and the second I leave this place. I want to be with Him. I want to be His worshiper. I want to go to church for Him and Him alone. I want to be a "Christian" a Christ follower, for Him and Him alone. I want to, as Isaiah said, be sent anywhere to do anything for Him and Him alone. If that is the real God, I am His. Every ounce of me. Nothing else satisfies now. Not since I have seen the real thing.
Candy Coated Christianity
I don't want a pop-Christian-American-feel good-program driven, watered down, less than Holy God. I have no desire. I want, I need the real thing. The Holy of Hollies. The mysterious, all powerful, all loving, all majestic God. The God that, truth be told, we cannot have all the answers to, we cannot have figured out. I want a God who I can know, but can never fully understand.
So this song, What do I know of Holy, was written about that moment and the million minutes that have followed since where my heart feels like it might explode. My most sacred of experiences with God came to life in the words of this song and I hope that it brings you to your knees. I hope it reminds you, as it does me, that God is far beyond us. And this is a good thing! Because He is the Holy king who will save this world...He is the only who can.
At the end of the day....what do I know of Holy? What do we know of Holy?
Posted by jen at 8:29 PM 12 comments "
My Reaction
So, what do I know of Holy? Apparently, not much. After reading Jenny's blog, it really hit me that I had no idea of how awesome and great God is.
My mind cannot even begin to comprehend who He is.
Coming to this realization was a little bit scary. The God that we worship is a God so powerful and so Holy. He is, as Chris Tomlin sings, INDESCRIBABLE. Still, that word does not do Him any justice.
Fear.
Realizing His Holiness it to accept that God is full of power. We see people in the world who are in position of power. They call the shots. People do whatever they say. But that is nothing compared to God's power. This thought is a bit scary. If God wanted to, He could reverse my existence in less than a second. I would be nothing. And to be honest, I am nothing in comparison to God.
Comfort.
Realizing just how powerful God is, or trying to grasp how powerful He is...is scary. But that only lasts for a second. Knowing that God is Holy, that He is in control, and that He can do whatever He wants is also oddly comforting to me. How?
The greater understanding we have of God's power and His holiness, the greater we can understand His love for us. The bigger He is in our minds, the more we can realize just how AMAZING his love is.
Just the other day, I was riding in the car with my dad, and we were listening to this pastor speak on the radio. He said that most people reject God because they do not have the right idea of God. I never really thought about that, but it makes a lot of sense. If you truly believed that God was loving and wanted the best for you, there is no way that you would want to reject Him.
And how do we come to understand God's love? We come to understand his Holiness and his power first. We see what we are in comparison to Him. We realize our unworthiness and we are humbled.
Unworthiness.
Sometimes, I can be so selfish and so full of hatred and bitterness that it'll probably knock the socks right off your feet. Of course, when these thoughts enter my mind, I don't say them aloud. But they are there, nonetheless. If you could hear them, you would slap me...and honestly, I wouldn't mind because I know I deserve it.
What I don't deserve is God's love.
How can someone so Beautiful, Holy, Powerful, and Righteous love someone like me? First of all, I can't even comprehend all of God's holiness. What I know of God, like Jenny wrote, is just a glimpse of Him. If I can't truly take in all of Him, how am I supposed to give Him the praise that He deserves?
Jesus died on the cross for my sins knowing that I could never ever understand just how GREAT that act was.
Now that's LOVE.
And love is a comforting thing to know. :)
Kindness
"It's your kindness Lord
That leads us to repentance
Your favor Lord, is our desire
It's your beauty Lord
That makes us stand in silence
Your love
Your love
Is better than life"
Thank You, God, for being so kind.
That leads us to repentance
Your favor Lord, is our desire
It's your beauty Lord
That makes us stand in silence
Your love
Your love
Is better than life"
Thank You, God, for being so kind.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
What has gotten me through senior year...
Isaiah 26:3
"You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, whose thoughts are fixed on you."
"You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, whose thoughts are fixed on you."
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Welcome to My New Blog
New Blog
After reading Steph's Xanga, I was inspired to start a new blog. I was looking back on my old xanga, and it was really fun and interesting to see how I used to think, and how I've changed...or maybe haven't changed.
This was my last Xanga post from May 2006 (Exactly 2 years ago!)
"Monday, May 01, 2006
whoa, it's been more than a year since i last posted an entry! (hopefully, i've become wiser and more mature. maybe not. :/) a lot of things have changed, but a lot of things still feel the same. you don't really realize how much stuff has changed until you look back. change is a hard thing to keep track of. you look back upon yesterday, and you don't feel any different; you look back upon previous years, and you question how you became so different. it's funny how your yesterdays, added up, can be so different from your today. hmm, so is there a lesson in all of this? i don't know, but if you want one, i guess i can think of one. live your today the way you want yourself to be in the future, because today will be yesterday, and yesterday will end up being more time than you thought. soon, you'll be the future you, and wonder how you got that way. hopefully, you've changed for the better.
i'm currently procrastinating, and i guess this is why i'm putting up another entry. (hey, anything to get away from homework, right?) (although, if i don't want to be a procrastinator in the future, i shouldn't be procrastinating right now. heh. yes, i admit it, i'm a little hypocrite, but maybe i can change that around.)
so, i guess this xanga blog can also be a time of reflection. i feel that i've grown a lot spiritually this past year, even though the past few months, i've felt a little out of place. but i'm glad to say that the Good Lord has picked me up from out of the depths. (poetic, ain't it?) :D no, what i really mean is that...i'm just glad to be excited to learn about God again."
I should really take that advice about not procrastinating from my 16 year old self.
Aside from Steph's xanga, I was also inspired to start a new blog after reading Jenny Simmon's blog. http://www.jennysimmons.blogspot.com/ (She's the lead singer from the band, Addison Road.) It's just her normal daily blog, but through it, she chronicles what God has done for her, and the amazing things that He continues to do. I thought that was really cool, and I don't want to forget what God has done for me. So in a way, this is for myself.
The End of a Season
High school for me is coming to an end. Thinking about it makes me reflect on the last couple years of my life.
With that said, I can't talk about high school without mentioning Cross Country and Track, as they are a big part of my high school experience.
Last Saturday was my last track meet! It still hasn't hit me yet. But it will, soon enough. I am definitely going to miss running with all my teammates when I go to college. Being on the team has given me the opportunity to meet a lot of really cool people. And weird ones too. Just kidding.
Going back to talking about my last track meet...I couldn't have asked for anything more. It ended on an a high and joyous note. I FINALLY broke 6:00 for the mile! I ran a 5:58.41. (I was last in my race, but who cares? I got a PR!!) It was really cool. Coach Wiencek was really happy for me, and said that I made his day. I thought it was awesome how happy he was on my behalf. It was like he was a proud dad. On top of that, Melody and Kevin came to visit and cheer me on. That was so nice of them. They also snuck me out of the track meet to get Subway. That was even nicer of them.
Looking back on these past four years of Cross Country and Track has made me realize just how much God has blessed me and has been with me every step of the way. All glory goes to Him!
Even as I was reading the Bible the night before the race, I was reminded by God about what's most important. Friday night I was really stressed and worried about my race because I wasn't sure if I'd be able to break six minutes. I know that it sounds really stupid to be worrying about breaking six minutes. But anyone, who has run cross country or track, understands and knows the pressure there is to set a final personal record. Especially if you're personal record is currently 6:02, and you're just seconds away from breaking 6 minutes. Along with that, I was struggling with how to give God glory. Lots of things were running through my mind. (No pun intended.) Am I running my race for Him? (And what exactly does that mean - "to run for God"?) Am I giving Him my all? Will He be glorified if I break six minutes? If I am running for God, shouldn't I break 6 anyway? Or am I selfishly saying that I want to give glory to God, because I think that somehow...by saying or thinking that, it will make me break six? I don't know if that makes sense. But I was really struggling with giving God the glory He deserves.
Somehow, when I was reading my Bible, I ended up reading Psalm 147: 10-11 which says, "His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor his delight in the legs of a man; the Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love."
Reading that gave me a lot of relief. It was like God was reminding me that He doesn't care so much about my physical accomplishments (the time I run), but more about the condition of my heart. Do I put my trust in Him? Do I put my hope in His unfailing love? Giving God glory, I learned, has nothing to do with running a "great" race.
God wants my heart.
That's what He delights in.
That's the thing that gives Him glory.
And that is all that really matters.
At that moment, I knew that even if I didn't break six minutes, it would be okay. And boy, was that a load off my back. It took a while to get to that point of realization, but with God watching over me and reminding me, I did.
As it turns out, through the grace of God, I was able to break six minutes!! That is, what I like to call, "icing on the cake"! :)
After reading Steph's Xanga, I was inspired to start a new blog. I was looking back on my old xanga, and it was really fun and interesting to see how I used to think, and how I've changed...or maybe haven't changed.
This was my last Xanga post from May 2006 (Exactly 2 years ago!)
"Monday, May 01, 2006
whoa, it's been more than a year since i last posted an entry! (hopefully, i've become wiser and more mature. maybe not. :/) a lot of things have changed, but a lot of things still feel the same. you don't really realize how much stuff has changed until you look back. change is a hard thing to keep track of. you look back upon yesterday, and you don't feel any different; you look back upon previous years, and you question how you became so different. it's funny how your yesterdays, added up, can be so different from your today. hmm, so is there a lesson in all of this? i don't know, but if you want one, i guess i can think of one. live your today the way you want yourself to be in the future, because today will be yesterday, and yesterday will end up being more time than you thought. soon, you'll be the future you, and wonder how you got that way. hopefully, you've changed for the better.
i'm currently procrastinating, and i guess this is why i'm putting up another entry. (hey, anything to get away from homework, right?) (although, if i don't want to be a procrastinator in the future, i shouldn't be procrastinating right now. heh. yes, i admit it, i'm a little hypocrite, but maybe i can change that around.)
so, i guess this xanga blog can also be a time of reflection. i feel that i've grown a lot spiritually this past year, even though the past few months, i've felt a little out of place. but i'm glad to say that the Good Lord has picked me up from out of the depths. (poetic, ain't it?) :D no, what i really mean is that...i'm just glad to be excited to learn about God again."
I should really take that advice about not procrastinating from my 16 year old self.
Aside from Steph's xanga, I was also inspired to start a new blog after reading Jenny Simmon's blog. http://www.jennysimmons.blogspot.com/ (She's the lead singer from the band, Addison Road.) It's just her normal daily blog, but through it, she chronicles what God has done for her, and the amazing things that He continues to do. I thought that was really cool, and I don't want to forget what God has done for me. So in a way, this is for myself.
The End of a Season
High school for me is coming to an end. Thinking about it makes me reflect on the last couple years of my life.
With that said, I can't talk about high school without mentioning Cross Country and Track, as they are a big part of my high school experience.
Last Saturday was my last track meet! It still hasn't hit me yet. But it will, soon enough. I am definitely going to miss running with all my teammates when I go to college. Being on the team has given me the opportunity to meet a lot of really cool people. And weird ones too. Just kidding.
Going back to talking about my last track meet...I couldn't have asked for anything more. It ended on an a high and joyous note. I FINALLY broke 6:00 for the mile! I ran a 5:58.41. (I was last in my race, but who cares? I got a PR!!) It was really cool. Coach Wiencek was really happy for me, and said that I made his day. I thought it was awesome how happy he was on my behalf. It was like he was a proud dad. On top of that, Melody and Kevin came to visit and cheer me on. That was so nice of them. They also snuck me out of the track meet to get Subway. That was even nicer of them.
Looking back on these past four years of Cross Country and Track has made me realize just how much God has blessed me and has been with me every step of the way. All glory goes to Him!
Even as I was reading the Bible the night before the race, I was reminded by God about what's most important. Friday night I was really stressed and worried about my race because I wasn't sure if I'd be able to break six minutes. I know that it sounds really stupid to be worrying about breaking six minutes. But anyone, who has run cross country or track, understands and knows the pressure there is to set a final personal record. Especially if you're personal record is currently 6:02, and you're just seconds away from breaking 6 minutes. Along with that, I was struggling with how to give God glory. Lots of things were running through my mind. (No pun intended.) Am I running my race for Him? (And what exactly does that mean - "to run for God"?) Am I giving Him my all? Will He be glorified if I break six minutes? If I am running for God, shouldn't I break 6 anyway? Or am I selfishly saying that I want to give glory to God, because I think that somehow...by saying or thinking that, it will make me break six? I don't know if that makes sense. But I was really struggling with giving God the glory He deserves.
Somehow, when I was reading my Bible, I ended up reading Psalm 147: 10-11 which says, "His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor his delight in the legs of a man; the Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love."
Reading that gave me a lot of relief. It was like God was reminding me that He doesn't care so much about my physical accomplishments (the time I run), but more about the condition of my heart. Do I put my trust in Him? Do I put my hope in His unfailing love? Giving God glory, I learned, has nothing to do with running a "great" race.
God wants my heart.
That's what He delights in.
That's the thing that gives Him glory.
And that is all that really matters.
At that moment, I knew that even if I didn't break six minutes, it would be okay. And boy, was that a load off my back. It took a while to get to that point of realization, but with God watching over me and reminding me, I did.
As it turns out, through the grace of God, I was able to break six minutes!! That is, what I like to call, "icing on the cake"! :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)